I bet my blog looks silly since the same posted was posted twice. That is my mistake ; )

Lately, I seem to be barely hanging on when it comes to 'life'. I feel like I have so much going on, I just want to crawl in a corner in my room and just sit there and let it all pass me by. Physically I am drained, and I not all of it is actual tiredness. If things keep going they way they are, I think I am going to go see a doctor. Perhaps I am just stressed, which I am sure is a big part of my 'problem.' I find myself grumpy and cranky everyday, I have absolutely no patience, and when I find myself in a good mood, it can change any moment. I am not really liking myself too much right now. i try to distance myself from the people I love, because I don't want say anything or do anything that I don't mean. It's weird, I feel like I could just go off any minute. I just need the right thing to provoke me.

Ya know, in a very general sense, life is going good for me. I can't really complain. I finally got to see my best friend after 3 months of not seeing her, Curt and I are doing good, my grandma is feeling better(wasn't feeling well in the past weeks). But I don't feel happy. Well, maybe I do. It's like I am happy but I have this dark shadow above me or around me and I know it's there and i just try to ignore it. Sometimes I even get a little optimistic and I'm like "be positive Amanda, everything will work out fine. Keep in good spirits..blah blah blah" But that certainly doesn't last very long.

I know none of this probably doesn't make sense, but this is the only medium I can find that will help me release whatever is bothering me..hopefully my 'dark ramblings' will be over soon..