Well, I thought I'd blog today cause I am sure you have missed my pointless ramblings.. : ).

*Thinks* Hmm...a lot has been going on. I guess they are moderate things, not necessarily good, not necessarily bad, but there are somethings going on that are better than others...definitely. I am trying to determine whether it is worth it for me to stay in the relationship I am in. Of course, I do not want it to end it, but there is no point in staying in the relationship if I am giving more than I am receiving. I guess this is one case where " 'Tis better to give than receive' " doesn't apply. At least, not in my situation. I have put a lot of time and money, my heart, my thoughts, my mind into this relationship, and I am not even sure if I am getting any of that back...any of it. Definitely not money...definitely not time...and well, I can not experience someone else's emotions, so who knows about the rest. It hurts and makes me feel foolish to think that i may have wasted the past few months of my life to someone who didn't even care. I don't know..maybe I am being too harsh...i don't think that he has no sort of feeling for me, but i think most may have deteriorated. As dumb and silly as it may sound, this is definitely one of the hardest things i've had to deal with in my life. Dependency and love can be so strong and it is amazing how quickly those things can be a disguise to what is really going on...what is that saying?? "Love is blind"? Heh..I'm so confused it is not even funny. I don't know what to do...I am scared of being alone, especially after being with someone for 10 months. I know I can live..i functioned just fine for 18 years without someone. Of course the hardest part of that is watching everyone around you fall in love and all that good stuff. And, if my relationship ends, it will kill me. I know it will...no matter how much i or anyone else prepares me for it, i am going to be devastated...The stress of this situation is so high, i can barely even cry to relieve it. i think that's what i need...a good cry to let everything out, that way my head will be clear and i will be able to think.
I hope you don't mind me mentioning you, but thank you for everything FJ.