I didn't realize it had been so long since I blogged last. My life has been busy and tiring. But I am hoping that it will slow down for a few days at least.

This weekend was half good, half bad. As some of you know, I was supposed to see Curt this weekend. Unfortunately that did not happen. :'(. To keep a long story short, he was sick. He sounded like crap over the phone, and I felt bad for him. Plus it was his mom's b-day, so he had to celebrate that. I knew about his mom's b-day coming into this last weekend, so I knew it *might* not happen. But him being sick confirmed it. The thing that bothered me the most was knowing that he was like 5-10 min away from me, if that, and I couldn't see him. Oh well, maybe another time. This whole thing is just hard. I never dreamed that it would ever be this hard. I knew it'd be hard going into the relationship, but not this hard.

On the other hand, Sunday was awesome. I must say, if you are even just a little interested in NASCAR, I definitely recommend going to a race. There is nothing like it. Sure, I had to sit in the baking sun for 5 hours without ear plugs, but it was worth it. Just awesome. Rusty Wallace won! Woohoo!! (he's one of my fav. drivers). Plus he is Curt's favorite too. All I could think was, this was my first NASCAR race and one of my fav. drivers won. So like I said, this weekend was half good and half bad.

I do have this feeling that things are going to start looking up for Curt and I. I am not sure where this feeling is coming from, but it is there, and I am glad. : )

Woohoo, I am back : ) I actually tried to blog on Monday night but somehow it never got posted and my computer froze, so I was too lazy to re-write it ; )

My week hasn't been too bad. Had a Bio. test tonight. I found easier than the past 2, so maybe I did better than a 'C' this time. I sure hope so. I'd like to finish that class with a 'B'.

As the weekend draws nearer, I am getting more and more anxious..and frustrated..I haven't heard from Curt yet, so I have no freaking clue if we are even gonna see eachother. Let's just hope he calls by Sat. morning. If not, I'll cry :'( hehe. Not really, I'd be more mad than anything.. ; )

I love the new design for mecuryfrog.com , but I am hurt...I'm not listed in his list of friends. : ( hehe Was I forgotten?? Or am I not supposed to be there??

Oh yeah! I came home from school tonight, to find a new puppy running around! We got a new puppy! I had no idea my parents were even planning on getting one. She is sooooooooo cute. She is half chow and half queensland. Pure black. No name yet...gotta wait until her personality develops, so she can have a fitting name : )

A'ight, I go now..I hope I hear from Curt..Everyone think "Amanda will hear from Curt". Then maybe it'll happen..hehe ; )

So far my day has been better than yesterday. Maybe having a good night's sleep, helped me wake up with a new outlook, but I doubt it. Only because my mind and I don't work that way. Gotta be positive. Things will be fine, I will be fine. All I have to do is take a breath once in a while and I'll be okay.

There is massive stress building up inside of me. I'm either going to wind up pulling my hair out or breaking down and crying....I just don't know which one yet. God I hate this....

I hate guilt. It's a very strong feeling and when it takes ahold of me, it takes forever to let go. Though, I am I told I shouldn't feel guilty, but I still do. hehe. I bailed on helping Merc and Wiz on a shoot this weekend. And I told them there was a reason(more than just school), so here I shall discuss that reason.

*ahem*

If you started reading my blog when I first started blogging, you probably noticed that I mentioned someone named Curt. Actually I think I even mentioned him in my very first blog. Anyways, Curt is basically 'mah main squeeze' lol. Well, not basically, he is. : ) I bet you'll never guess how I met him...*sarcasm* If you haven't guessed by now, I met him on the net. (A wonderful thing, the internet..) Of course, I always said to myself I wouldn't ever get into a 'net relationship'. I mean if other people did it, that was great. But I never thought it was for me. But, then one night in July..someone IMed me on AIM, and well, the rest is history. I certainly didn't expect for him to literally pop into my life..lol.

The story continues....

Next weekend my parents and I are going to the NASCAR race in Fontana, which is in Southern Cali. Curt lives in Corona, well Mira Loma if ya want to get technical, which is right near Fontana. So we are planning on meeting next weekend *OMG*. So yeah, this weekend I need to go shopping for stuff for the trip, and this is the only time I have to do it, plus I do have homework and stuff. I have really been pre-occupied. So that is why I cannot do the shoot this weekend. (I am still sorry guys, but you know you can depend on me..lol).

Curt and I have been 'going out' for a while now. About 7 months to be exact. The reason I haven't said anything until now is because I wasn't sure how people would react. Cause ya know, some people will give ya a bunch of crap for something like this, but I am not ashamed, so yeah. That is the situation. I don't know if any of you really care about this, but it is something that is taking up a lot of my time, and a lot of my mind, so why not just blog about it right?? hehe. Hopefully no one think I am weird or something. Like I said, I certainly never expected this to happen, but ya know what? I am glad it did happen. : ) I love him to death. Not in love...at least I don't think so. If I am in love, I don't necessarily like the way it feels..hehe. He's made me so happy and really, that is all that matters. RIght?? Right. ; )


If you got this far..thanks for reading my Looooong story..hehe.

Haha..I am watching The Weakest Link again. I just got done reading Claire's blog. I've always liked shows like this. I even like Millionaire, but I never watch it anymore, cause I'm usually doing something else. I feel so smart when I can answer the questions..lol

I have a game for ya, if you don't know about it already, that is quite addicting. A friend sent it to me last night and it is addicting..hehe. Check it out if you are ever bored or have time. : )

Bejeweled

I am watching The Weakest Link right now. It's not a bad show actually. I'm getting some of the questions right..hehe. But I don't know if I could handle the host's insults, seeing in how I am the sensitive type. : )

Tonight, I found out that my film teacher will not be teaching the class anymore after this semester. Now, he didn't announce this to the class, but he told a few of us. I am actually kinda bummed by this news. For some reason no one seems to like Rick. I mean, yeah he has said and done some things that I didn't agree with or that ticked me off, but overall, I do like him. So now I am actually debating on whether to take the class next semester. I suppose I should to get as much experience under my belt as I can. I guess I have just gotten comfortable with Rick, kinda sorta. Oh well. Life goes on. *Ob la di, Ob la di, life goes on bra... la la how life goes on* hehehe Gotta love The Beatles....

I must go study now...got a Stats test tomorrow..wish me luck! : )

I am tired, hungry, and kinda grumpy..lol.

Anatomy was not fun tonight. I mean I guess it was okay, but like right before our break, our teacher says "Okay, after break, we'll come back and look at sheep brains." I was like, 'gee, thanks for the warning.' And it wasn't the brains that grossed me out...it was the fermaldahyde(I know that is spelt totally wrong..hehe). So now, every once in a while I think get a smell of it, but I know it's just my mind playing tricks on me..how rude. ; )

The rest of the month, hell the rest of the semester is going to be hectic and I am not gonna like it one bit. Can anyone say STRESS?????

Today was an okay day I guess. I spent part of the day washing the car. I even cleaned the inside and vacuumed it! Took me almost 3 hours, but hey, I got it done. Now it looks so purty, I'm afraid to drive it..lol. I give it a week to stay clean..hehe.

My Easter wasn't too exciting. I have no family in the area, so it was just my parents and I. So we ate dinner and we took my grandma some dinner. We bought her some flowers and a balloon for Easter. I think she liked them. : )

Wow, it is only 9:21pm and my eyes are already burning. I must be tired. It's been a long day...and I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow. *sigh*

Tommy: "A lot of people go to college for 7 years."
Richard: "Yeah, they're called doctors."

Quote courtesy of Tommy Boy ; )

I am sitting here doing nothing, so I figured I would blog.

At the spur of the moment tonight, I thought I'd go to the mall. So I called my friend to go with me and we drove ALL the way there (about 15-20 min.) and it was closed...grr.. I didn't even think that they'd close early for Easter. (duh). So instead, we went to downtown Visalia..and then back to Walmart. Wasn't the most exciting thing, but hey we were hanging out and neither of us were home, so it's all good ; )

Anyways, Happy Easter to all! : )

What a boring blog huh? Ahh well...

Ahh, home alone on a Friday night. Normally, I would be complaining, because I am home alone on a Friday night. But tonight, I don't care. I'm liking it.

Today, my mom and I purchased some 'sports equipment'. According to the doctor: "You need to exercise." So, we bought a basketball hoop and a volleyball set. Now I can't wait to get either of them up...hehe. I love volleyball. The only problem with that is dragging someone outside to play with me, but I am sure once in a while, I will have a playing partner. See, we do own a treadmill, but I find that boring. Walking itself isn't that boring, cause at least you have scenery. But when you stick a treadmill in a spare bedroom, facing a plain white wall, it gets boring. So, compared to that, basketball and volleyball ought to be fun. I just can't wait! (no sarcasm).

"I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'm begging you to beg me." Btw, Merc, Cheap Trick does this song, not Styx. But thank you, you did lead me in the right direction. : )

Oh yeah, DZ has a cool blog..I enjoy it. : )

OOOOOOH!!!! Guess what???? 311's new album, From Chaos comes out June 19th!!! Woohoo! I am so excited...can't ya tell? ; ) Oh, and Happy Birthday to Nick Hexum! (Lead singer of 311). Okay that is all of my 311 news....

It's been a few days since I've done this. I meant to last night, but the 'net kept giving my problems, so I just got offline. The last few days have been fun. I hung out w/my friend Krystal yesterday, which I hadn't done in a long time. It was nice. We should definitely do that more often, cause she might not living here much longer. : ( . And today I went with my friend Monique and saw Josie and The Pussycats. I really enjoyed the movie. Not many people there though. I hadn't been to the movies in a while, so it was cool to go.

Ugh..back to school soon. Man, this week flew by. I kinda think of my spring break as over, cause I don't go to school on Fridays anyways, so I dont' really count as getting tomorrow off ya know? Oh well. Only 5 more weeks. I can do it! Actually this whole semester has gone by really fast. Life is going by fast. Almost too fast for me...

Well, I went to the doctor this morning, and after 45min. in the waiting room, I finally got to see the doctor. Anyways, turns out I just have an inflammation in the joint where my jaw is. So the doctor gave me some drugs..and said to lay off the hard foods, to give my jaw a rest. He also said, when I got up the courage, I needed to go to the dentist and have a mouth piece made to wear at night, to stop from clenching my teeth. It was pretty much what I thought it would be. Anyhoo, I just thought I'd share. : )

Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A. None. Californians cannot afford to turn on the lights.

Got that sent to me. Thought it was pretty funny ; )

You know, I just LOVE Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Mint with chocolate has to be one of the greatest things on earth. ; )

Tomorrow morning I have my doctor's appointment to find out what is wrong with my jaw. Or at least get an idea of what is wrong. My dad seems to think it is a common problem, which it probably is, but it is an inconvience. Hopefully it is nothing bad, which I'm sure it isn't.

Aww, all my ice cream is gone. : (. Oh well, I don't need anymore...I probably didn't need what I had ; )

Here it is..the first day of Spring Break..and what am I doing?? I am sitting here, watching Days of our Lives, and eating noodles. *sigh* I wanna do something so bad. But not being able to even drive on the freeway(don't laugh..lol) poses a problem. And even if I could, that doesn't mean anything. I would just love to go to the coast, even for a day. Just to stand on the sand and look out of the never-ending ocean. I find it so breath taking, that all of my problems, at least for a little while, seem to go away.

Oh yeah, I did go to the art museum yesterday. I found it boring. Here I am looking at sculptures by Rodin and I am just like "What does it all mean, Basil???" Very confusing. I am going to have a hard time writing a 5 page paper on that experience.

What a lazy day. The weather is nasty and cold. The perfect day for staying inside, with your pj's on and blogging....don't ya think? ; ) I actually have no plans for the day...Tomorrow I am going to the Fresno Art Museum. I have to go and look at an exhibit for my art history class. I really don't want to go, but I am going to try and keep an open mind.

I got up this morning and watched the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series race. I don't think any of you know this, but I am a BIG NASCAR fan. I usually don't watch the truck series, but local driver Matt Crafton is now driving in the truck series. He did very well today..finishing in the top 10 (6th to be exact). I've met him a few times and he's a very nice guy...not to mention he is a handsome little devil ; )..(in my opinion). If you go to his website you can see a pic of him. (I still need to find out how to put pictures in my blog). Anyways, that has been the highlight of my day. I guess sometime today I should make myself presentable (i.e. take a shower, get dressed, etc...) But ya know..I just don't feel like it...

Ahhh..Friday. No more school for a week. Life is good...and I heard from Curt last night, so I am just plain giddy..lol.

Last night, went to Mooney's Grove Park to film. I showed up last night and 2 of the guys from my class were drinking beer, between them and their 2 friends they brought along with them, they downed two 12-packs. So by the end of the night, they were pretty buzzed. At least one of them was and it was hard for them to do their parts(they are playing moonshiners) they couldn't say anything right..lol. It was funny, but I can't believe Rick didn't get really upset. Oh well.

No big plans this weekend. I think one of the days I am going to an art museum, but only because it is required for class. But I am still kinda looking forward to it.

Today is my Grandma's b-day. She is 79 today. We're going to go visit her at the convalscent(sp?) hospital. I am going to bake some cupcakes and frost one and take it too her. I think she'll enjoy that. : )

Wow, Claire said exactly how I feel : ) Espeically when it comes to the too senstive and guilty conscience part. (Seems like we have a few things in common so far..hehe). I am feeling better about this. I just try not to think about it..hehe. I am sure anyone who has a license has had this happen to them at least once in their 'driving careers', but it just spooked me a little. Let's just pray that the next time it isn't an accident..i'd rather be called a b*tch than be in an accident.

New topic... *grin*

I had my muscles test tonight. I don't think I did too badly, which means I probably did. ; ). But what was really cool was that after our bio test, our teacher let us go home. He was going to lecture but he said "have an early spring break." I was like Woohoo!!! It's nice to be home before 8:30 at night. One more day
and I don't have to worry about school for over a week.

Tomorrow night we're supposed to be doing some filming for class, and I just plain don't wanna go. It's gonna be outside, in the cold, in the dark..BUT I think Rick(teacher) needs me and if he doesn't...I need hours. SO, I guess I should just quit complaining huh? lol

Well, I'm gonna go page Curt now...heck, he may even call me back!! *sarcasm*
Night all. :-D

Well, now I can officially say I was *this close* to having a car accident. This was my fault..I was pulling out of a parking lot at school and I was turning left and I didn't see this car and I started to turn right in front of it. We both had to slam on our brakes and the girl in the other car had to swerve a little. Anyways, when she drove in front of me, she called me a b*tch. Which, I am really not blaming her...cause I would probably say the same thing if someone turned in front of me. But it still makes me feel like crap...it's like for the rest of the day, to her and her friends I will be known as the "b*tch who turned in front of her". And that's what bothers me. Plus I also feel really bad. It was mainly my fault, even though she was just flying down the street, I shouldn't have started to turn. I kinda just wish I could find her and say 'sorry'..lol. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I hate people thinking badly of me ya know? I am sure I am just analyzing this WAY too much. Don't mean to 'vent' on anyone who reads, but I just needed to get it all out ya know? So anyways, that sums up my day so far...

I'm going to need to go to the doctor and have my jaw looked at. Last night I was sitting at my desk and I had my head resting up against my hand, up my the joint where your jaw is and at the same time, I yawned. Well the pressure of my hand and having my mouth open, moved the bottom of my jaw over, and it was stuck for a few seconds..I had to push my jaw back into place. Then I was just in shock, so I did it again, to see if it would happen again and it did. It really didn't hurt, it just felt like really weird. Soooo, now I am afraid to yawn with my mouth open wide and I can't put too much pressure on the left side of my face. So, yeah, I really want to go get that checked out.

Hmm..I am feeling a little better..this is good.. : )

Woohoo..my teeth don't hurt anymore! I can actually eat on the left side of my mouth ; ).

I just got done reading Claire's blog. AND I have the exact same fear of spiders. I can't even see them on tv without freaking out. Now, I can kill little ones..and I mean little. But if they any bigger than like the size of a pencil eraser, I'm off to my parents and they have to kill it. I hate jumping spiders...oh and daddy long legs..those just freak me out!

Anyhoo...I've been wanting to say this for a while: I recently checked out ALL of Jason's page. And ya know, I had no idea he was such an artist. His pictures are beautiful and he did a great job with Merc's comic...Jason, if you're reading..Good job!! Awesome site too. S'all good. : Þ

A'ight I better get going..got a muscle test tomorrow and I must study. Have a good 'hump' day all : )

My jaw feels better today. Actually, it might not be my jaw...I think I have been clenching my teeth like really hard lately and my teeth are just sore. I'm not sure why I am doing that, or even if I am aware that I am doing it. I'm guessing I do a lot of that in my sleep.

Hmm..I was just gonna say something and I totally forgot. Don't ya hate when that happens?? Oh well...
I should probably go. I have a lot of studying and homework to do. *sigh* 3 more days....3 more days...

Haha..all my posts say "posted by" and then the time..I have no name..lol.

I cannot express how tired I am. I don't really understand why I am so tired. Granted, I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, but I did take an hour and half nap this afternoon..so who knows. My sinuses aren't being real friendly tonight either...*grrr*. Oh, and my jaw, on the left side of my face..like the 'jaw joint'..(which I beleive is the tempromandibular joint, which I learned in Bio : Þ) hurts so bad. I think it may be from gritting my teeth..which I have a bad habit of.

I shall call the previous paragraph the "Complaint Paragraph". Moving on...

I saw Chris and Jason today, which was so cool. It was great seeing them. I almost forgot how much fun it was to hang out with them..lol. That is something we should do more often..just for the heck of it.

All in all it was a good day. I enjoyed myself. I have snapped out of my bummed mood, for the time being anyways..hehe. But I have some things to look forward to in the near future so hopefully that will keep me happy. *big grin*

You know what I have noticed?? I start off too many sentences with "I". I should stop that. <----See?? There's 2 right there....