So, ya wanna hear a weird story?? Sure ya do..hehe ; )

Alright..a week go I saw that Curt was online. (Or at least I thought it was him). Anyways, I was shocked cause I knew he hadn't been on the net cause his computer or something is messed up. And then I thought, well, it's probably one of his friends and it couldn't be Curt cause he should be at work. But of course curiousity got the best of me and I IMed him. Turned out it wasn't Curt: it was some guy named Brad and he was 20. So at that point, I didn't want to talk to him cause I just didn't feel comfortable, cause I thought he was one of Curt's friends. But he kept talking to me, so I didn't want to be rude. Anyways, right before I left, I asked him if he was friends with Curt and he said he wasn't and that a friend of his(Brad's) let him use the s/n. So this guy has been online off and on and I haven't said anything to him.

So tonight I sign into my AIM s/n of amu311bd and Brad is online. And he IM's me...( I guess he put me on the buddy list). I was like, 'Crap!' Cause I just don't feel comfortable talking to him...maybe it's cause its Curt's s/n. So, I really don't want to talk to him but once again I don't want to be rude. (Actually I am talking to him right now.) Anyways, I don't want to give out much info about myself..and Brad is asking me if I have a b/f and all that. Not all of Curt's friends know about us, just like not all of mine do, so I can't say anything about us, because it is not my place. And even though this isn't a friend of Curt's, I imagine things could get around..cause how else would he have gotten Curt's s/n??? Does that make sense?? I hope so.. This Brad guy keeps flirting with me and I feel awful..I am certainly not doing it back, but I feel like I am doing something wrong. I haven't talked to Curt yet..but I am gonna find out about this..lol. Cause it is bugging me. I'm gonna be like "So who do you know whose name is Brad?"

Okay, so maybe it isn't that weird of a story but oh well. It's bugging me so why not yack about it..right?? Right.

Have safe trip Merc. : )

It has been an un-eventful week. Besides going to my best friend's house on Monday for her B-day, I haven't left the house. How sad is that?? There is stuff I'd like to do but it requires money and right now I have none. Plus it is just too darn hot..blah. It felt like it was 100 degrees already at 11am this morning.

I got my Statistics grade in the mail today..I got a 'B'. That means I finished off the semseter with 3 B's and one 'A'. I really an 'A' in Stats, but oh well. I would have had to get a 91% on the final and I got an 83%. But hey, I'm really not complaining. I am proud of myself for doing so well this semester, cause it was Hell..; ).

One of my fav. songs of the moment:

"It's Been A While"

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

Hmm...been a couple of days since I visited this place.

Let's see, I will miss reading your blog, Merc. But good luck with everything and I hope things are alright.

I must admit, I am very happy to hear that Claire is considering a 311 album! How awesome is that?!?! Hehe..I'll be e-mailing you soon. ; )

The past few days, I have been kinda down and I can't quite pin point what it is that is bothering me. I have an idea, but it's silly. I don't know why I let stupid little things bother me. I just let my mind wonder and think of all kinds of crap and then I worry more and more and more. And, of course, in the end, everything winds up just the opposite of what I was feeling and thinking and then I feel REALLY dumb. I've been surrounded by this negative vibe for a few days and I need to get out of it. And I think I know the one thing that will get me out or at least take a lot of it away. But, see, that probably won't happen until this weekend, I am guessing. But, *hopefully* it'll happen before then..it all depends on if Curt feels like talking to me at 2am after he gets off work.

Congratulations to Ong and all of the graduates of 2001. : )

I don't know about anybody else, but I just love being in my room after it has been cleaned. I spent a good 4-5 hours today cleaning my room...that included getting rid of some school stuff (cause this semester is over), dusting (hadn't done that in literally months...found out my tv is actually black and not gray), vacuumed, changed my sheets, etc. Now I don't want to leave my room...I want to bask(sp) in it's beautifulness..hehe.

OMG!! I heard 311's new single (You Wouldn't Believe) on the radio today!! My radio station is never this cool...they played it before the radio release date for the single, which is May 29th. And it is awesome...of course I had a live version of this song for many months, cause they played it on their Soundsystem Tour ,but It's nice to hear it on the radio. I can not wait for June 19th!! Yeah buddy!! ; ) Who knew you could ever love a band this much???

I'm tired...
ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well, I did the one thing Merc never told me to do when blogging..I hit button that says "Post & Publish" (by accident) and I had to log back in and I lost my post. Good thing I didn't say much. ; )

My body is tired. I washed both cars today and I think I used some muscles I hadn't used in a while, so I bet I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. Gee, I am looking forward to that... ; )

I am feeling sentimental right now..I have no clue why. I am feeling lucky to have the people that I do have in my life right now. Each and every one of them, in a different way, makes me who I am. Even the littlest things that the people in my life do for me, is making me feel good. *sigh* To all of my friends and family, I love you guys! (and just in case you didn't know, each person in this little "Merc community" is included.) :-)

I tried centering my pics w/the center tag but it didn't work..oh well. I know the pics look awful cause they're not spaced but I don't know how to space them ; )

So, do you ever think back and remember stuff that you used to be sooooo into? While taking shower tonight, I was thinking about this. (I find the shower a good place to think). I was remember back when I used to have my walls covered with posters of guys..like Devon Sawa, Leonardo DiCaprio, Nick Carter of the BSB, etc..and having stacks upon stacks of teeny bopper mags like Bop and Teen Beat (Bop was my fav., btw.) I don't know, it's weird looking back at that. . The coolest thing was going over to your best friend's house with your new Bop magazine and looking at the pictures. Man, I miss that. I miss that time. One minute, you're just infactuated with guys and then *poof!* you could care a less. I miss how crazy I was about 311...

You guys may think I was 'ga-ga' over 311 now...oh my you should have seen me a few years ago. I was even worse. But I am still kinda 'ga-ga'. I can see a picture of Nick Hexum(lead singer) now and just start drooling..I mean, if you're a girl, how can you deny this face??? OMG he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen!






Sorry, I had to share a few of my fav. pics. ; )

Anyways, I am sure my blog doesn't make much sense. I have no idea why I started thinking back but I remember being really happy at that time. I am happy now, but a different kind of happy, ya know..if that makes sense. Anyhoo..I am just rambling...

Oh my goodness is summer coming. The last few days have been miserable..I hate 100 degree weather...grrrrrrrrrrr. Funny thing is I heard on the news that the normal temp. for this time of year is like 85..and here we are getting 103. Not fun. Nope, Nope, Nope.(quoting Duckie from The Land Before Time..hehe).

It has been a loooooooooooong day. Got up at 7:30, left for school at 9:00am, studied for an hour and 40 min, went to the mall to turn in an application, got me a mocha frio and some McDonald's fries(brain food), went back to school at 11:30am, took my stats final, got home at 2:30pm, studied, left for school again at 4:50pm, got back at about 7pm, and that's it. I dunno, it may not sound like a long day but it sure felt like it. But on the good side, I got my 2 hardest finals over with! So, now all I have left is Art History, which I am not too terribly worried about.

I wish I could go visit my sister this summer. : \. I haven't seen here in about 5 years. But can't go this summer, and I am not about to go in the winter. She lives in New Hampshire and nope, no cold and snow for this Cali girl. ; )

Awww, poor Turbo Tempo. I am said to hear it's gone. : (

Merc..I love my page! Thank you! *smiles* Got 311 all over the place..yeah buddy. ; )

I am exhausted tonight. I have no idea why..maybe it is cause I actually did something today ; ). Got to hang out w/Merc and Wiz, which was really cool. I had fun. (Thanks again for inviting me.)

Right now I am studying Bio. Ugh..how can my brain remember all of this information? If I can just get a 'C' on my final, i'll be so happy. After Bio, I must study Stats. Woohoo..lol. I am planning on staying up kinda late to study. I figure if I study late when I am tired, I might remember more.

Kimbo, that's cool that you remember me. : ) And you're welcome for reading your blog..I like it.

My blog tonight is short and pointless, but hey I felt like blogging..so now I am back to Anatomy..
*reads* Give three characteristics of the anatomical position.....

Tonight I went to the mall and Border's with my friend. I'll tell ya, it sure is nice to say that I am actually 'going out' on a Friday night instead of sitting at home. ; )

Someone asked me today if I was in love. It really got me thinking. I have no idea if I am in love. For some reason, I expect for something to feel different ya know? But to me, things feel the same. But I tell people that Curt and I have been going out for 8 months and one of the first things out of their mouth is "are you in love?" I have never been in love, so I have no clue what to look for or how to feel. Those of you who have been, is it any different? Is there a different 'vibe' when you realize you're in love? Is it like the movie Clueless when Cher is standing in front of the fountain and the fountain turns on and lights up when she realizes she's in love with Josh?? Yeah, I wish the sign were that easy.

What to say, what to say.... So, once again I have changed my mind...I had free time at school today and I went and added transistions to my resume reel. But it really does look better than before...it looks pretty darn spiffy.

Speaking of my film class, I am going to attempt to spit out a 5 page paper for my film class, so I can turn it in tonight and not have to worry about going back next week. I think I can do it. ; )

A friend sent this to me...
"Amanda, Are you finals really as hard as you think? Or are you just making them
that way? You need to relax and not worry about them, the stress will make
you fail, not what you do or do not know.
Ya know, I think he's got something there...

Hmm...a nap sounds so good right now, but I can't..I need to get homework done. But the only thing on my mind is my bed. ; )

I have decided not to add transistions to my resume reel. Mainly because I want to keep it as 'raw' as I can, if that makes sense. I don't want any fancy stuff in it. : )

I just read Kimbo's blog..and yes employers should have the decency to call and say "Thanks for your time." I had an experience like that one time. They couldn't even call and say I didn't get the job..that was the least they could do after going in for 2 interviews. But yeah, I just wanted to agree with Kimbo.
I also recognize Kimbo..I *think* we had a class together in HS, but I am not sure..lol. If not, I do recognize her from HS. : ) At least I think I do....Anyhoo, I am off to do work...

I finished most of my resume reel tonight! All I need to do is go back and maybe add a few transistions. It came out pretty good, in my opinion. Almost like the vision in my head. Though I am sure if Merc, Wiz, or Ong touched it, it'd be 100x better...hehe. But that is one thing to scratch off of my list of things to do between now and finals.

I am feeling better tonight. Like I said, the blog earlier today was just some sort of release that I needed to get out before I drove myself nuts..hehe. Or should I say 'more' nuts. Anyhoo, I am proud that I have accomplished one thing off of my list of stuff to do. Hopefully I can keep crossing off stuff. : )

I bet my blog looks silly since the same posted was posted twice. That is my mistake ; )

Lately, I seem to be barely hanging on when it comes to 'life'. I feel like I have so much going on, I just want to crawl in a corner in my room and just sit there and let it all pass me by. Physically I am drained, and I not all of it is actual tiredness. If things keep going they way they are, I think I am going to go see a doctor. Perhaps I am just stressed, which I am sure is a big part of my 'problem.' I find myself grumpy and cranky everyday, I have absolutely no patience, and when I find myself in a good mood, it can change any moment. I am not really liking myself too much right now. i try to distance myself from the people I love, because I don't want say anything or do anything that I don't mean. It's weird, I feel like I could just go off any minute. I just need the right thing to provoke me.

Ya know, in a very general sense, life is going good for me. I can't really complain. I finally got to see my best friend after 3 months of not seeing her, Curt and I are doing good, my grandma is feeling better(wasn't feeling well in the past weeks). But I don't feel happy. Well, maybe I do. It's like I am happy but I have this dark shadow above me or around me and I know it's there and i just try to ignore it. Sometimes I even get a little optimistic and I'm like "be positive Amanda, everything will work out fine. Keep in good spirits..blah blah blah" But that certainly doesn't last very long.

I know none of this probably doesn't make sense, but this is the only medium I can find that will help me release whatever is bothering me..hopefully my 'dark ramblings' will be over soon..

Maybe my blog will post today. I tried doing one yesterday and I clicked 'post' and the darn thing didn't post, and I didn't feel like re-typing it.

Today is my parents' wedding anniversary...22 years. I think that's kinda cool. I really didn't get them anything, but my dad took my mom to Crescent Jewelers and basically told her to "pick out a ring." And so she did..lol. She picked out a pretty ruby and diamond ring. Cheap too..it was only $100. It was a Anniersary/Mother's Day gift. Well, UPS has one more day to send me my mom's present. I got an e-mail saying it was shipped on Wed. so *maybe* it'll be here tomorrow. If not, my mom gets a late Mother's Day Gift. But I am sure she won't mind..hehe.

Last night I made of list of ALL the school work I need to get done in two weeks or less. (Depending on the class.) And ya know, I have a lot of work. But I did homework most of the day today and I am taking a break from it now. Yes, the life of Amanda...nothing better to do on a Friday night, than homework. Actually my whole weekend looks pretty much like tonight. Unless spur of the moment plans come up...which I am secretly hoping they will..even though I really need to get this work done.

Maybe my blog will post today. I tried doing one yesterday and I clicked 'post' and the darn thing didn't post, and I didn't feel like re-typing it.

Today is my parents' wedding anniversary...22 years. I think that's kinda cool. I really didn't get them anything, but my dad took my mom to Crescent Jewelers and basically told her to "pick out a ring." And so she did..lol. She picked out a pretty ruby and diamond ring. Cheap too..it was only $100. It was a Anniersary/Mother's Day gift. Well, UPS has one more day to send me my mom's present. I got an e-mail saying it was shipped on Wed. so *maybe* it'll be here tomorrow. If not, my mom gets a late Mother's Day Gift. But I am sure she won't mind..hehe.

Last night I made of list of ALL the school work I need to get done in two weeks or less. (Depending on the class.) And ya know, I have a lot of work. But I did homework most of the day today and I am taking a break from it now. Yes, the life of Amanda...nothing better to do on a Friday night, than homework. Actually my whole weekend looks pretty much like tonight. Unless spur of the moment plans come up...which I am secretly hoping they will..even though I really need to get this work done.

Well, I did something I really didn't want to do this afternoon...I downloaded the newest version of IE. Personally, I do not like IE but I need it to view certain sites (ie..mercuryfrog.com, blogger.com) SO, I am trying to get used to this, cause it's a little different. I also need to download the newest Netscape Communicator..That's my buddy right there! hehehe

It's been kind of a busy day. Not so much in physically doing things, but mentally, it's been a busy day.
I did film my resume reel this weekend, like I wanted to accomplish, and tonight I transfered it from 8mm to DV..so now I need to edit. I just hope it comes out as good as the vision in my head looks. So I think I am going to start the task of editing on Thurs.

I have good news! I have been chosen for 311's Street team..woohoo!! I get to pass out flyers, stickers, so go places and hang up flyers and spread the word about 311 and their new album coming out. I am so excited. The only hard part about this will be designing a flyer. (Not my best forte). But supposedly 311's management will provide pictures and logos, you just need to design it. The people who do the best jobs and have the best designed stuff, get entered into contests to win stuff like merchandise and backstage passes. I guess I better make my flyer good! ; )

Another thing I was thinking about was contacting New Rock 104 (Local Rock radio station) and find about if it is possible I could get a photo/video pass to tape some of the Warped Tour. (mainly 311). I figure it's a try. I thought if maybe I told them that I am in COS's TV Production class and it *could* be used for a project, blah blah blah....it might get me somewhere, but I dunno. I am not sure if I am gonna call them or not. I am afraid to call cause I don't want them laughing in my face..lol. Another thing to think about. Opinions are welcome...like what do you think my chances are of getting a pass of some sort?

Well, I just posted on Merc's new blog, but my name didn't show up. So yeah, that was me. If I wasn't supposed to post, I sorry. : )

I wanted to talk about something that bugs me. Now I won't go into great detail, but tonight in Anatomy, we had to look at models of stuff and then write down the numbers of certain structures, organs, etc. Well, me, another girl and a guy were working on the Female Reproductive System....now correct me if I am wrong, but wouldn't you think a person would know their own anatomy?? I mean this girl didn't know where hardly anything was in the female body. I'm sorry if like this bothers anyone, cause I'm talking about it, but it just amazes me. It makes me wonder how many people don't know. Yeah, okay..that is my vent.

Speaking of Bio..I need to do a little homework, and then I have to study for Stats. test tomorrow and I have to revise a paper that is due for Art History and print it out, cause it is due tomorrow..*sigh* gonna be a late night.

For some reason, I am not feeling too hot tonight. I just have a funny feeling going on..weird.
I am happy to say that I am almost done writing a paper that is due on Tues. and that I barely started tonight. I think it sounds pretty good, but if I had started this paper sooner, I know I could have made it sound a lot better, but I swear the due date just snuck up on me...that is just wrong. ; )

I ordered my mom a Bunny from the Build a Bear website. I think she'll like it. I dressed the bunny in a 50s poodle skirt and sweater w/saddle shoes. She's just adorable. I wasn't expecting it to cost as much as it did, but oh well, it's Mother's Day and my mom is worth it..hehe.

My parents and I finally decided on a name for our puppy. I believe I menitoned our new puppy in here. *Checks*...yep yep I did..see the blog on 4/25. Anyways, we decided to name her Snickers..lol. We don't know why, but we thought it was cute and it suited her.

Anyhoo, I shall go...Just thought I'd drop a line or 2. Hope all is well with everyone. : )

Woohoo! The weekend is here! Do not ask me why I am so happy about that. It's not like I have plans, but maybe it's cause I can actually sleep in and not have to worry about going to school. But I still have plenty of homework.
One thing I definitely want to accomplish this weekend is filming my Resume Reel. I need to get that done and edited. Plus I need to catch up on some work in Bio. But other than that, I have no goals for the weekend.

Merc, thanks for putting that bear website in your blog. I am thinking Mother's Day present (for some reason that looks spelt wrong..maybe it is..). It maybe a late Mother's Day present but it's the thought that counts right? Right. ; )

Two blondes walking into a building...you'd think one of them would have seen it!!! ha ha ha :Þ