I found out yesterday that 311 is coming back to Fresno. They are going to play my radio station's annual B-day Bash. I went to it last year and it wasn't too bad. Much like the Warped Tour. The only thing that sucks is that many bands will be there and 311 will only get probably a 30-40 min. set. But, nevertheless, I am excited! Hopefully, SOMEONE will go w/me this time....

Okay, I was bored this afternoon (still am) and I was *poking* around Brian's LJ...and I find a website where you find out how much you're worth. I thought this was interesting, so I found out..And it turns out..I'm not even worth the avg. value for females. : ( How sad is that?? *sniff sniff*. Let's see, I am worth..*drumroll* :

$1,434,018.00. If you ask me, I am worth a lot more than that. :Þ

Look at my purty picture...and yes I am advertising. ; )



Yes, so go pick the album up..it is good and you won't be disappointed. And if you are..then you can, um...well, I'll decide on a punishment later.. : )

I agree w/ Claire. I love the feeling of aching, tight muscles and tiredness that comes after you know you've done something that is the equivalent to exercise. : ) The question is...if I love that feeling so much...why don't I do it more often?? Hmm..I don't know.. ; )

I had a dream last night and it was so out of place. In my dream I was out on a date w/a guy I knew from high school. What makes this weird is that: 1) this is a guy I haven't seen in I don't know how long and 2) I can not stand the guy. I was so glad he was a year ahead of me and was graduating, so I wouldn't have to worry about having a class with him. He was an asshole and a jerk. I didn't know him personally but I had classes w/him so I knew how he acted. So I was very shocked that I had this dream. That this guy actually liked me and everything. It was just really weird...what sucks is from now on if I happen to see him around town or something, I'm gonna think of my dream...not cool. ; ) And then when I woke up this morning, I just did not want to get out of bed..I kind of had the attitude of "why get up?? i am not doing anything today??" but I made myself get up at 10am. I dunno, this day just has an over all 'weird' vibe to it. I hate when this happens...

"It's 8:16am will you wake up to me, the first thing that you see. My eyes open, I'm just hopin you feel the same as me. The day starts cafefully." ~ 311, 8:16am

What the heck??? I thought something posted and it wound up not posting, so my last post probably doesn't make any sense..so yeah, disregard the one that starts off with :"$&@#*!!!". Hmm..maybe I need to go to bed..I seem to be a little out of it tonight....

$&@#*!!! yeah, I didn't mean to post all of that..but dumb me hit the wrong button. Oh well...too late now..*sigh*. ; )

There is so much I want to say....but, this really isn't the place...I don't think.

In all of the confusion that has been my life in the last few weeks, I have managed to hurt someone I really care about. Never was it intentional, for I am not that way. I did not wake up one morning and say, "ya know I think I'll hurt someone today...sounds like fun!" Not that I think the person I hurt thinks that. I am pretty sure they don't. I hate the feeling of knowing I hurt a friend and let them down. I just really don't know what to say for myself, there are no excuses..no good ones anyway. *sigh* I just want this person to know, if they are reading, that I do care and I hope we can eventually be friends again.

I was bored tonight, so I decided to look at my pictures...I have about 5 photo albums and I went through all of them. Most of what I have is from high school I guess....it was just nice to just sit back, look at the pictures and remember everything...you know back when everything was 10 times more dramatic than it really was, how if your crush didn't come to school for one day, your whole day was shot..and just being able to see your friends everyday. It is just nice to remember sometimes...I hate feeling nostalgic ; ). But all things must come to an end sometime. *pause* Whoa...take your own advice, Amanda. <---mental note.

"Some people think it's holding on that makes you strong, sometimes it's letting go." ~ Unknown

I guess yesterday turned out to be a good day. The only thing that really wasn't good, is we had to take our puppy to the vet..but with some fluids and antibiotics, she's gonna be fine..which is good.

Hmm..hung out w/my best friend last night...we went shopping (that is always nice to do when you're kinda down ya know?? hehe) and then went to Pizza Hut and then I came home and I didn't go to bed until 3am..and I am a wee bit tired, but I am sure I will survive. ; )

I got a letter in the mail today from one of my good friends from high school. We hardly see eachother now, even though we go to the same school, so we've been writing back and forth..and she's getting married!! Man..now it's one thing when an acquaintance or something gets married but this is one of my good friends, since like..7th grade. I am shock and very happy for her! Makes me wonder if I'll ever be at that point one day?? Hmm...

Song of the moment:
"If I go crazy then will you still call me superman. If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand. I'll keep you by my side with my super human might..kryptonite." ~ 3 Doors Down, Kryptonite

My horoscope at Emode , one of my fav. websites, says that July 13th is supposed to be a good day for me, despite it being Friday the 13th (not that I am superstitious). So, I've got 9 hours left...let's see if anything good happens... :Þ. Not that I am necessarily having a bad day.. : )

Well, I thought I'd blog today cause I am sure you have missed my pointless ramblings.. : ).

*Thinks* Hmm...a lot has been going on. I guess they are moderate things, not necessarily good, not necessarily bad, but there are somethings going on that are better than others...definitely. I am trying to determine whether it is worth it for me to stay in the relationship I am in. Of course, I do not want it to end it, but there is no point in staying in the relationship if I am giving more than I am receiving. I guess this is one case where " 'Tis better to give than receive' " doesn't apply. At least, not in my situation. I have put a lot of time and money, my heart, my thoughts, my mind into this relationship, and I am not even sure if I am getting any of that back...any of it. Definitely not money...definitely not time...and well, I can not experience someone else's emotions, so who knows about the rest. It hurts and makes me feel foolish to think that i may have wasted the past few months of my life to someone who didn't even care. I don't know..maybe I am being too harsh...i don't think that he has no sort of feeling for me, but i think most may have deteriorated. As dumb and silly as it may sound, this is definitely one of the hardest things i've had to deal with in my life. Dependency and love can be so strong and it is amazing how quickly those things can be a disguise to what is really going on...what is that saying?? "Love is blind"? Heh..I'm so confused it is not even funny. I don't know what to do...I am scared of being alone, especially after being with someone for 10 months. I know I can live..i functioned just fine for 18 years without someone. Of course the hardest part of that is watching everyone around you fall in love and all that good stuff. And, if my relationship ends, it will kill me. I know it will...no matter how much i or anyone else prepares me for it, i am going to be devastated...The stress of this situation is so high, i can barely even cry to relieve it. i think that's what i need...a good cry to let everything out, that way my head will be clear and i will be able to think.
I hope you don't mind me mentioning you, but thank you for everything FJ.

Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting, smoking, feeling high
In this moment it feels so right
Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'til morning comes
Watch the sunrise
To fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'til we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Crush, Dave Matthews Band..... :'(

GRRRRR...I hate it when I forget to close html tags.. >: |

Last night I watched Gone in 60 Seconds. I hadn't seen it yet..but that is such a guy movie. The cars, the action, the supposedly 'hot girl'. (I say supposedly cause I don't think Angelina Jolie is that pretty...I am sure many of you would argue w/me about that.), and of course the 'sex' scene that was just thrown in just to have one. But it was a good movie. I really liked it. And Eleanor is a definitely a hot lookin' car ; )

I am glad to hear that FJ is coming to CA. I just hope I will be able to see him. : )


"Like I said before I'll say it once more, knew you would make me feel so good, Wanna do you right.
Can't get enough, This is the stuff, life's about and it trips me out. Wanna do you right." ~ 311, Do You Right

Hmm..I have been listening to this song a lot lately...and I thought I'd share. It's by Alicia Keys and it is called Fallin'. It's a good song..kind of jazzy/R&B...that's what I interpret it as in anyways..I guess parts of this song may have some significance to my life..anyhoo..I suggest checking it out..it's a good song. : )

Fallin’

I keep on fallin’
In and out of love
With you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes u make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Lovin you darlin’
Makes me so confused

I keep on
Fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Oh, oh , I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain
Just when I think
Ive taken more than would a fool
I start fallin’ back in love with you

I keep on
Fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Oh baby
I, I, I, I’m fallin’
I, I, I, I’m fallin’
Fall

I keep on
Fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Im fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Im fallin’
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

Last night I helped Merc and Wiz pack the U-Haul. You know, I am really going to miss those guys, but I do wish them all the luck in the world. : ) I know they will do well in Southern Cali.

Okay..can somebody tell me where Friday went?? I mean it was Thursday and now it is Saturday. I mean I know Friday was in there somewhere... ; )

So, I get up this morning and I look at the newspaper and I see a friend of mind from high school who is getting married..and I was just like 'wow'. I mean I am happy for him. but i just can not picture someone who is my age ready to step into the commitment of marriage. and being in engaged is the first leap into that. it just kinda trips me out. i know not everyone is like me but still...19 and 20 are such young, confusing, maybe even awkward ages and the thought of being mature enough to handle the sacred bond of marriage and any and everything that goes along with it, just scares me. But like i said, not everyone is like me..

For some reason this day has this over all 'weird' feeling to it..kinda like something just isn't right. Actually, I have been feeling this way for about a week...just this feeling that something is wrong. Kinda freaky..anyhoo...My jaw is absolutely killing me today. I can't eat anything even remotely hard or chewy cause it hurts to chew, no matter what side of my mouth I use. So, I can't even chew gum and I love gum. : (. I know why it is hurting..it is hurting from me clenching my teeth. A very bad habit of mine. I think I do most of it in my sleep..cause usually when I am awake, I try not to do it. Though there are times when I catch myself clenching my teeth. It started hurting a few days ago and every day it's been getting worse and worse. I just hope it doesn't get worse than it is now. I took some Excedrin (gotta love those pills) so maybe that'll help. : )

Well, today makes 10 months for Curt and I. He has been in my life nearly a year now. I just can't believe how time went by. I still remember when we first talked...it feels like it was a week ago. Usually, on 'anniversary dates' I have immense feelings for him and us...but sadly, today, feels like any other day. *sigh*

I have a few random, pointless things to blog about, so why not get started?? ; )

So, I am on this 311 mailing list and this dude says he got a 311 cake for his b-day and anyone who wanted to see it could e-mail him. So I did, and I saw it, and it kicked ass. Now, i want a 311 cake. But like that would happen...actually I want a cake in the shape of the logo..that would be really cool. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to eat it. I'd freeze it or something..hehe. Anyhoo...

I am confuzzled. Okay, I had transferred all of these pictures on my computer(the hard drive) from my disks. I was sorting all the pics I had..(that's how bored I was). So today I deleted all of my pictures of the hard drive, cause I was done transferring and sorting. When I had all the pics on my hard drive, it took up a little bit more of my hard drive space. So I figured, once I deleted my pics, that space would disappear...but did it?? No...now it's even higher. All of the sudden tonight, I have 6 gb hard drive less than I did this afternoon AFTER I deleted my pics. Computers confuse me...any comp. people out there have any idea why it is doing this? Heck, maybe there isn't a reason, I dunno.

On a cool note. For the first time today, after knowing FJ for a while, kind of, I actually got to have a lengthly conversation with him..I mean it was nothing important, but cool none the less. And last night, I got to talk w/Brian for a while and that was cool. So yeah, I know 2 of my friends a little better ; )

"I put a dollar in, I got a car.
I put a dollar in, I got a car.
I put a dollar in, I got a car.
I put a dollar in, I got a car." ~National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation

One of my fav. songs:

You Are My Sunshine

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
But when I woke dear I was mistaken
And I hung my head and I cried

You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another
You'll regret it all some day

You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

Over all bummed feeling today. I have absolutely no plans today, though I tried, my friends are either busy or they are not up to doing anything. One thing that shocks me though is that my best friend didn't invite me over to her house. For years, I have always gone to her house for the 4th of July. Usually her parents and some of her relatives have bbq's and she invites me, but this year she didn't, which kinda hurt my feelings. I mean I know I shouldn't expect it, but when you've done something for so long, you almost learn to. So, I am going to sit at home...and maybe find a good movie to watch or something. : )

Happy 4th of July to everyone and thanks Claire for the 4th of July wishes! : )

Today turned out not to be so boring...it was weird. I did nothing all day and at once I got 2 offers to go do something..lol. My friend said it was cause I'm a whore..but that's not true.lol ; ). First I went to Merc's house and he taught me how to play Risk. I had so much fun. But actually, he plotted like all my moves...but it was still luck after that! lol. We had funny moments like "It's raining men." and "My continent is bigger than your continent!". Watch...Merc won't even remember..lol. Oh well..hehe

After Merc's I went and picked my friend up and we went to the mall...and then to Taco Bell..then to Walmart where I ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while..and then home. So, I guess it was that boring of a day. : )

I say GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! to all you people who don't have to live in this heat! : Þ

Today turned out not to be so boring...it was weird. I did nothing all day and at once I got 2 offers to go do something..lol. My friend said it was cause I'm a whore..but that's not true.lol ; ). First I went to Merc's house and he taught me how to play Risk. I had so much fun. But actually, he plotted like all my moves...but it was still luck after that! lol. We had funny moments like "It's raining men." and "My continent is bigger than your continent!". Watch...Merc won't even remember..lol. Oh well..hehe

After Merc's I went and picked my friend up and we went to the mall...and then to Taco Bell..then to Walmart where I ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while..and then home. So, I guess it was that boring of a day. : )

I say GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! to all you people who don't have to live in this heat! : Þ

From Merc's Blog:

"If I could come back as anything I wish it could be as one of your tears. Who could want anything more than to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks and die on your lips."

I have a variation of this quote:
"I wish I were a tear, so that I would be born in your eyes, caress your cheek, and die on your lips."


I think I like Merc's better. ; ) I just love quotes. I have a whole freaking list of them...sure, most of them are of the 'mushy' type, but I am girl...what do you expect?? : Þ

I had a fun night last night. i did get to hang out with my best friend again, which was really nice. it is something we haven't done in months, literally. we went to see dr. dolittle 2. i thought the movie was so funny and cute..hehe. if you've seen the first one, i think this one is better. by the time we got to the theater, went to the restroom and stood in line to play $2.75 for a small soda, we had to wind up sitting in the very front. i hate that...let's just say i left the theater with a headache and a good crick in my neck. after the movies we went to wallyworld..aka..walmart and then went to get something to eat. i dunno, it may not sound like a fun evening, but actually meant a lot to me. : )

My bed looks so inviting right now. it's like it's calling me...saying 'manda, come lay on me.' I did not sleep well last night. it was hot, i couldn't breathe and my body just ached. my neck and back were killing me. actually, i could have used a good massage...hmm...dang curt for living 4 hours away. >: |. Hehe

"we've changed a lot and then some-some, you know that we have always been down-down. if i didn't ever thank you-you, then just let me do it now." 311 ~ down.
Actually heard this on the radio today...it surprised me. Hmm...I am off to find some lunch...