Happy Easter!!! : )

You ever have a dream and then you are left thinking about that dream like all day long? I'm doing that today...it was a weird dream, but I'm more stuck on a guy that was in my dream. I have no clue who this guy was, all I know is that I was in love with him. It's so weird, cause I feel like this extreme attraction to this guy in my dream..lol. I'm sure it sounds dumb, but it's the truth. This guy was tall ( I only came up to his shoulders I think...so I could easily lay my head on his chest when we hugged. : ) ), had black hair, and wasn't too thin, but wasn't overweight either, and he was good looking. So I've been trying to think of people I know or have seen and even celeberties that might fit that description, but I am having no luck...the description seems to be something my mind made up. ; )

Anyways...went to a car show yesterday here in town. It was pretty cool. They had an old NASCAR car there, from a driver who passed away in the early 90's. I'm not sure if it was a show car or a car that was actually raced at one point. There was no sign in the window, but I definitely got some pictures of that. ; )

I don't have plans today..my dad is supposed to be cooking dinner, but he's not, which means we're guaranteed to hear him complaining cause he will be running out of time. We'll go visit my grandma and that's about it...and then back to school tomorrow. I kinda wanna go...it would be something to do. : )

hehe..that's funny. ; )

*sigh* that song is...just...awesome...

music: nickelback - how you remind me

aww, you're so kind. : )

man it takes forever for the floors in this house to dry..*waiting impatiently*

music: bizet - carmen suite no. 1

Well, I am feeling a lot better. Still got a nasal sound and i cough, but i feel better. : )

I guess it is now safe to say that curt and i are no more. the only reason i say "guess" is because it's not really official, but since i haven't heard from him in a long time (months), all that is left for me to do is assume it is over. for those of you who know already, please bare with me...i think typing this is going to help a little bit.

Needless to say i'm really upset. i never thought i would get this upset over him. cause i've thought about ya know, what if we didn't make it because of the situation of the relationship, but i never, ever thought it'd be like this. somedays are better than others, but only because i choose not to think about it, cause my mind is tired of dealing with it. i thought it'd get easier everyday, but it's really not. it's like everyday i am remembering something we talked about or something that happened and it just kills me. i think my first 'reality check' that my relationship was really over and that i'd never be with curt, was last friday morning. i had a dream thursday night/friday morning and curt and i were together and happy and when i woke up i realized that it was over and that was never going to happen. and ever since i had that dream, this has been extremely hard on me. i guess i'm hoping that by writing this, it might help me feel better, but i dunno. i'm miserable really...it's not consuming me, cause i am happy too. but when i am alone and not keeping myself busy, then i start thinking about it and that's when i break down. there are constant reminders which make things hard too. one of the hardest things is realizing that he probably isn't going to ever call again and i'm never going to hear his voice again. it's hard to have someone who has been in your life over a year and a 1/2 just drop out of your life. and it's even harder when you don't know why. maybe he's afraid to tell me he wants out of the relationship or maybe he's found someone else. (hopefully not the latter cause it turns my stomach to think of him with someone else). sometimes i wonder if i brought this on myself because i didn't always confront him when something has bothered me. but then again, that doesn't account for him not having the decency to tell me anything.

yeah i know, life goes on, there'll be other boys...etc. but i'm not ready to hear that right now. i'm certainly not ready to start 'scoping' for other guys. this is so hard...definitely the hardest thing i've had to deal with in my life, as silly as that may sound. i guess when i fall, i fall hard. but i mean it's not easy......oh shit..nevermind...my eyes are so watery, i can barely see the screen...thanks for reading if you got this far...

music: ravel - bolero

q: how do you know when your sinuses are really bad?

a: when you blow your nose and stuff comes out of your eyes.

oh joy.

music: nelly furtado - ...on the radio (remember the days)

Ugh, i am sick.. : (. I just did this a few months ago too. i think most of it is sinus. i guess it's better i get sick now, since spring break is next week. *sigh*

Thanks, i am doing okay : )

music: matchbox 20 - if you're gone

I feel like having one of those all-night girl talks. You know the ones where you can be dead tired, but yet talk for hours and hours into the morning. You may see this person or talk to this person everyday, but that doesn't matter. you are still able to talk for hours about anything and everything. I could really use one of those.

So, hmm...so much to say but not ready to say it, if that makes sense. (which i'm sure it doesn't) i understand so that's all that matters. : ) not much to do this weekend. next week is spring break and i'm going to be at home. i have a few things i want to get done..such as cleaning and dusting my room and cleaning my shower, but that is about it..lol. the car needs a good washing and cleaning on the inside. i need to go shopping for a b-day gift too. i'm sure i can find somethings to keep me busy. : )

music: rascal flatts - i'm movin on

I am not feeling too hot today. : ( I feel like I'm trying to get sick...my chest is tight, my throat has that 'trying to get sore feeling' and my head is hurting a little. Yesterday I thought maybe it was anxiety, because of my chest being tight, but now i think i'm trying to get sick. This really isn't really surprising because the weather has been crazy. One day it's 55 degrees and the next day it's in the 70s(literally). And I really don't want to get sick on top of everything else i'm worrying about...or maybe.....yeah, maybe I'm getting sick cause I'm stressing too much...hmm...who knows. I think I'm gonna go lay down after this...

I can not express how much I understand.

music: watching full house

I watched the movie the mexican tonight and man my eyes were glued to that tv. I absolutely loved it...I'm not sure why, but i just thought it was great. i definitely need to purchase the movie or at least record it.. : )

question: when you really love someone and you can't seem to make it work, when do you get to the point where enough is enough?
answer: never. ~ The Mexican (it's not word for word, but i tried my best)

music: Live - I walk the line (Johnny Cash cover)

Gambling was fun last night...sure it wasn't Vegas, but it was still fun. I spent $10 in quarters on one machine and $10 in nickels on another...which had a racing theme to it.. : Þ. At one point my dad won 100 quarters which is what...*does math*... $25 and my mom won 209 nickels which is... *does math again* ... $9.45. But we wound up putting that money back into the machines. So needless to say, we didn't win big...and I don't think I'm a lucky person..lol. *shrugs* Oh well. : )

Oh yeah...
Happy St. Patricks Day!

I totally understand about not wanting to see an ex-crush. I liked this guy off and on from 7th - 12th grade (sad huh? lol) and now I see him at school all the time. he has a g/f and i just like to pretend I don't even know who he is...and I *try* not to make eye contact w/him when I see him, though it happened yesterday...I guess it's cause I feel so silly for liking him so long. Not to mention he knew I liked him. Anyhoo..

Today is my mom's b-day! : ) I've spent the last hour or so baking her cake. There is a special family cake that my grandma (her mother) and another women came up with..it's their recipie(sp) and no one outside of the family can have it..and every year my grandma would make it for my mom and after my grandma passed away, my sister would make it and ever since my sister moved, it's been my job. : ) I'm told I do a pretty good job too. ; ) Tonight we might to the The Palace to gamble a little bit. I hope we do go..I've never been gambling..plus I guess I can see if I am a lucky person. ; )

Happy Saturday everyone. : )

music: zebrahead - playmate of the year

*hug* : )

Today had this almost odd feeling to it...I think it may have been because I didn't get up until almost noon...so my body clock was a little off i guess. it was nice to sleep in though, I hadn't done that in a while. i figured i wasn't do anything today, so why not sleep? : )
After I got up, I went to wash my hands and stuff, and we had no water...our street was dug up today cause I guess the city is replacing some pipe underground and they had to turn our water off. nice of them to tell us. now i am debating on whether to take a shower tonight or not. cause by the time i get up in the morning, the water may be off. *shrugs* not sure what i'm gonna do yet. boy it must be nice when your only worry in life is when to take a shower...*sigh*

Yeah..i just dunno what to talk about...

music: tantric - mourning

Yesterday I got an invitation to my friend's wedding...and today I got an invitation to my friend's baby shower, so I feel important. : )
I'm not sure if i am going to the wedding. I really want to, but i don't know of anyone to ask to go with me. i was going to ask my best friend, but i think she is leaving on the day of the wedding on a cruise with her b/f, and well she was my only choice for a date. ; ) maybe i'll just go to the wedding and skip the reception, cause i'd really like to see her get married. and i'm definitely going to my friend's baby shower...i'm excited...i've been friends with her since 7th grade..or was it 8th? *shrugs* i don't remember..

i was rewinding some film in my camera this morning and it quit rewinding, so i opened the thing and apparently it was not done rewinding...so i hit the 'emergeny rewind button' and it re-wound(is that a word???). I can only hope i didn't ruin any of the film. : (

I really have nothing important to say, as you can see...just some little tid-bits about what's going on...and it isn't much. : )
*sigh*

india arie - video

I feel as though I should defend myself...but I'm not sure what to say. I always seem to think that PA is not where it is. But I can say that I am not stupid..I swear. I've had geography and all that stuff, but hey in college we didnt' go over the u.s. states...so that's one excuse..plus today is monday and I was tired and I'm blonde...that's 4 excuses..so pick which ever one ya want. :Þ

music: everlast - one and the same

It's 311 day!!!!!!! Woooooooooo!!!!! I encourage everyone to listen to at least one 311 song today. ; ) It does the body good or something like that....

I get quotes everyday in my e-mail and I thought I'd share a few.. : )

Topic: memories

"A memory is a photograph taken by the heart to make a special moment last forever." ~ Anon
"Memory is the personal journalism of the soul." ~ Richard Schickel (On Harold Pinter's plays, Time 23 Jan 84)
and my favorite...
"A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory."

music: live - pillar of davidson

This weekend I finished my letter to curt...for those who don't know, I basically wrote him a letter, giving him a sort of ultimatum. it did make me feel better to write it, but now I just need to work up the strength to mail it. : ) hopefully it won't take to long to gain it..
So that pretty much made up my weekend...i didn't do anything else..

A few things to address:
1) Congrats to merc for finally applying to fullerton
2) the new Jimmy eat world single is start to grow on me as is the strokes single
3) what DZ experienced must have been pretty awesome.

A'ight, that's all..

music: watching roseanne