Let's see..

I really enjoyed the renaissance fair. saw some magic, tricks, and some knights jousting for the queen. it was pretty cool. oh and of course there were the shops. i got an emerald anklet and a sapphire anklet. they were 2 for $3 so i thought why not? : ) monique bought some fairy wings...they look so cute on her. ; ) but i am glad she invited me, I really enjoyed it.

watching the nascar race wasn't that bad today. though i kept wondering throughout the race if curt was sitting in the audience. i'm thinking he wasn't cause today is his mom's b-day, but ya never know. after seeing who won, i'm not that sad about not going. : Þ

exact words from my dad when asking about going to fullerton next semester: "you are going. we are going to get the money, so don't you worry about it." (he said this very sternly). so i guess i am going. : ) i am happy, but i am not going to breathe a sigh of relief until that check is on it's way to fullerton.

i feel my chest getting tight and my throat feeling funny. let's hope i'm not getting sick. but with the way the weather has been changing, i wouldn't be surprised.

in the famous word of porky pig: "that's all folks!"

music: godsmack - i stand alone

let me take you back in time...

a year ago this weekend i was in corona, ca. my parents and i were going to the nascar race in fontana, ca and we were staying in corona, where curt lived...well still lives as far as i know. we were supposed to meet, but because he was sick and it was his mom's b-day it didn't happen. a year ago tonight, curt called me while he was on his way home from his best friend's house and told me how much he missed me and that he was looking foward to seeing me. i still remember *almost* every word of that conversation...
to keep myself from rambling on, this has been a rough week for me...emotionally anyways. i honestly don't mean to talk about curt all the time, but lately, the last couple of weeks, it's honestly been kinda hard. and ya know, it's not the big things that make me sad..it's the little things. little things that outsiders would probably think were "nothing." anyways...nascar is in fontana this weekend and, as lame as it may sound, i think it might be a little hard to watch the race. not only cause of curt, but because i am bummed i can't be there. but hopefully i won't feel all sad. : )

well, tomorrow monique and i are going to a renaissance fair. i kinda don't wanna go, but i know she wants to go really bad and has no one else to go with. i'd feel bad if i told her no, cause it's not like i'm doing anything tomorrow. so hopefully i'll like it. : ) i guess i'll find out.

music: commercials

I did a good deed yesterday. I went to mervyns looking for some flip flops. As I got out of my car, this lady comes up and asks if I have jumper cables and if I did if I could give her a jump. I started to say no (even though I knew I had jumper cables) but then I thought I'd want help if I was in the same situation, so I said yes. So I drive around in front of her car and I have no clue which cable is positive and which is negative...so the lady had her friend call someone and ask. we got everything hooked up and what not. for some reason though the lady's car didn't start. and it sure sounded like it was her battery that was dead. unless one of us had the cables hooked up wrong or something...not necessarily the positive and negative, but like if we had them connected good. *shrug* even though i really didn't help, i did feel good for trying. : )

today i got a letter in the mail saying that i was a recipient of a $500 scholarship. this one is from the organization that i had the interview with a few weeks ago, so i guess they did like me after all. ; ) and then i decided to go to fullerton online and find out about my financial aid, and i had my award summary done. assuming i accept the offers for loans, i will get $9981 in financial aid. i'm so happy about that, cause i honestly thought it would be less. so with the scholaship, i have a total of $10,481. *now* all i need is $850 : \

Well, my best friend has already set a date: June 21, 2003. She also has her colors picked out, rings picked out, and a good idea of what she wants at the wedding and reception. Something tells me that she's been thinking about this for a while. ; ) But then again, I think a lot of women do..I know I do. : )

My shoulder is killing me. It was hurting earlier this week; I think I slept wrong or something and just when it was starting to feel better, i decide to wash the car and i hurt it again. not sure if i pulled a muscle or what. my mom says to put ben-gay on it tonight, but then i will stink, as well as my bed, so i think i'll tough it out.

I didn't call curt. i woke up feeling differently...not to mention when i told monique i was thinking about calling him, her reaction was, "why!?!?!" so i think that made me realize what a silly and dumb idea it was in the first place. i guess last night i wasn't feeling too good. i was feeling lonely and hurt and i think i was grasping at something that wasn't(isn't) there. it's weird ya know, i've been fine for the past few weeks. i haven't been feeling that lonely or that sad, and it's like the past week all of my emotions have accumulated and last night i just let it out. guess one needs to do that once in a while.

music: tony basil - mickey

My best friend is engaged!!!! I've known since Thursday, but she asked me not to say anything, so I didn't even blog about it. : ) I am so damn happy for her..I cried when I first read her e-mail. Her and her b/f...well fiancee now, went on a cruise to Mexico this past week and he asked her there. *sigh* I saw her today...we (including my friend monique) all went to the mall cause i had to go "under-garment" shopping. it was nice for the 3 of us to spend time together. we don't do it nearly enough. : )

I was thinking during dinner tonight and i have this urge to call curt. i am not sure if this is a good thing or not. i have no clue what i'd like to accomplish by calling him...hell, i don't even know why i want to call him, let alone what that would accomplish. i just want to call him so bad...so before i do anything i might regret or whatever, i'll wait and see how i feel tomorrow and if i feel the same way, i'll probably wind up calling....i have no freaking clue what i'd say to him...especially if he actually answered his phone...but i guess i'd deal with it.

anyhoo...i'm saddened to hear about layne staley of alice n chains. : ( i'm not even sure if it has been confirmed that it is layne staley, but that's what i keep hearing, which doesn't guarantee that it is true. but more than likely it is true...so yes, i am saddened to hear about it. he was an awesome artist and singer.

there is a new station around here...used to be an oldies station. it now plays "non-stop hits for the south valley." this mainly involves Top 40 music from the 80s and early 90s...but it also plays *some* recent stuff, and *some* oldies, and *some* hair bands. : ) I like it so far..i've been listening to it ever since yesterday afternoon. a lot of it is music i grew up listening to, and i love it.

music: janet jackson - escapade "z 104.9 - Tipton, tulare, visalia...and a little dairy out in strathmore." I love that ad. ; ) (from the radio station i was talking about)

i'm feeling extra lonely today. : ( i miss him so bad... *sigh* reminders are every where...how cruel the world can be. : ) here's to the start of a long and boring weekend...

Cryin' - Aerosmith
There was a time
When I was so broken hearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kind of love was the killin' kind
Now listen
All I want is someone I can't resist
I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' cause I let you
Do what you do - down on me

Now there's not even breathin' room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same

It's down on me
Yeah I got to tell you one thing
It's been on my mind
Girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away
Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It's a fire I can't resist

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' cause I let you
Do what you do to me

'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
If you give your heart away

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do what you do down to me,
baby, baby, baby

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' cause I let you
Do what you do down to , down to, down to, down to
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' to forget you
Your love is sweet
I was cryin' when I met you

I watched mtv Icon on aerosmith tonight and it was pretty awesome. i love aerosmith...sometimes i forget how much i love them, but once i hear a single song, i always remember. : )

music: aerosmith - cryin'

Stolen from Bri..

MY NAME IS: Amanda
I MAY SEEM: like an airhead and very obsessed w/311...
BUT I'M REALLY: smart and i'm only slightly obsessed w/311
PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THINK I'M: floopy
IF YOU KNEW ME YOU'D PROBABLY: think so too.
SOMETIMES I FEEL: good, lonely, sad
MY DAYS ARE PRETTY: routine.
IN THE MORNING I: wake up from sleep..lol ; )
IF I COULD BE DOING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW I WOULD BE: *sigh* talking to someone i still care very much for
MONEY IS: as money does.
ONE THING I WISH I HAD IS: someone's love
ONE THING I HAVE THAT I WISH I DIDN'T: loneliness
ALL YOU NEED IS: Love..Love...love is all you need.
ALL I NEED IS: $850
IF I HAD ONE WISH IT WOULD BE: to be happy for the rest of my life
WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR I SEE: a lot of things I'd like to change
LOVE IS: a pain in the ass......but awesome when it's mutual
MY BODY: needs help
IF AN ANGEL FLEW INTO MY WINDOW AT NIGHT I WOULD: probably wet my bed.
IF A DEMON CRASHED INTO MY WINDOW I WOULD: *see above*
IF I COULD SEE ONE PERSON RIGHT NOW IT WOULD BE: Curt
SOMETHING I WANT BUT I DON'T REALLY NEED IS: a bunny rabbit
SOMETHING I NEED BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT IS: more education..i mean i want it..but i dont' want to deal with it..
I AM AFRAID OF: death
IT MAKES ME ANGRY WHEN: people are stupid
I DREAM ABOUT: anything and everything
I DAYDREAM ABOUT: *see above*

music: course of nature - caught in the sun

OMG blogger published...it's about freaking time...

today is an odd day...i woke up with this odd feeling and odd/stupid things have been happening all day. last night i didnt' get to sleep until after 2am...and then my eyes popped open at 4:11am. it was unbelievably windy last night and i had my window open because i was hot. i have a huge tree right outside my window so i kept hearing the wind in the tree and the limbs scraping against the roof and the side of the house. so i got up at 4:11am and went to the restroom and while i was in there, i thought i heard something like dishes banging against eachother, so i am freaked out. i walk to the living room and my dad is asleep on the couch and there are no cats on the counter or anything. i went back to bed and decided to turn my tv on cause i was a wee bit freaked out.

Here's what's happened to me so far today:
on my way to school (still in tulare) this lady was riding my bumper (an extreme pet peeve of mine) but she turned, so i was happy. got to visalia and i was coming up to an intersection and all of the sudden i look to the right and there is a fire engine w/it's lights and everything on and it scared the crap out of me..i never heard it and i swear it came out of nowhere. then i go a little further in visalia and all of this sudden this car shows up behind me and they're riding my bumber..so i'm getting pissed and we come to stoplight and i get in the turn lane and i find out that this person who was riding my bumper was the same one who was riding my bumper in tulare. then nothing happens until i get back to tulare afterschool and my friend and i are crossing a parking lot and these people in a trunk and they're backing out and monique and i didn't stop because we were already crossing as they were backing out and well, as they backed out the got about 3-4 feet away from monique before i yelled and said 'hello, can't you see us crossing?' not sure if they heard, but they did stop. then as we got across the parking lot and walked into a store, there's this guy, 40-45 years old and he asks monique and i, "would you guys like the last of my ice cream cone, i can't seem to finish it." and then i said "no, that's okay" in a very sarcastic tone, and then he and this girl he was sitting with starting laughing..and i was just like grow up asshole. i didn't tell him that, but i was thinking it.

i dunno, today just doesn't feel right and i'm feeling pretty irritable. people are just stupid... : )

test

I am finally blogging...I've been meaning too all night, but I kept getting side-tracked..taking quizzes and what not.

I had an interview tonight for a scholarship. I guess the interview went okay...I'm not good when it comes to interviews. I hate the fact that I have no clue what they are going to ask. But hopefully I did okay...thought the ladies didn't seem too impressed with me. : )

I love the new look of your site, Claire. : ) I also love that I can respond to your posts. ; )

Ooh, tomorrow is April 12th, which means it's Nick Hexum's birthday!! *big grin* I know none of you care...but I do, so there.. : Þ

My dad is doing better, which is good. Everyday he is less and less dizzy and his blood pressure is starting to regulate. : )

Okay, I think I'm done w/the little tidbits of info.

music: watching mtv2 (waiting for 311's new video)

This weekend was just too damn hectic...
My mom gets a phone call at 5:30 on Friday night and it is my dad saying that he is in the hospital. My dad had a doctor's appointment that afternoon and when he got to the doctor's he mentioned that he had been feeling light headed, dizzy, and that his heart felt like there was some fluttering going on. So the doctor did an EKG on him and sent him right to the hospital. My dad was working hard on friday and what basically happened is that his heartrate got sped up, but it wouldn't come down. His doctor used the example of working out on a treadmill and when you're done your body will slow down, including your heart, but my dad's heart wasn't slowing down. He was in the Post ICU unit of the hospital...not because he was that critical, but they were trying different medicines and doses of medicine on him, so he might become critical.
So after being in the hospital since friday night, he went an got an angiogram on his heart this morning. it was scheduled for 7am this morning and i decided that i would go with my mom even though i had school today. so i got up a little before 6am and got ready and my mom and i left. the angiogram showed that my dad has a 60% blockage in his left artery...even though i think this is a little on the high side, the doc. says that he thinks he can manage it by having my dad take medicine, diet, and exercise. So since there was nothing critical found, my dad got to come home today. it's really nice to have him home again...i'm just really thankful...cause things could have been a lot worse. i think my dad said it right when he said this was a wake-up call. : )
It was kind of funny...i had to drive my dad home from visalia, drop him and my mom off, go by and pick up my friend, and then turn around and drive back to visalia for class today...that was really fun...*sarcasm*
(sorry if some of my grammer is off...i am very, very tired.)

Btw, love the new design merc. i swear it has your name written all over it. : )

music: none

I know it's a little late, but I was thinking about your question about the a broken heart this morning when i was cleaning....
I don't think a heart ever truly recovers when it has been broken...it recovers enough that when the time comes for you to love someone else, you can, but it never forgets. i think about curt as i'm saying this..and i know i will never forget him, nor do i want to. there will always be a little place in my heart where i will keep him and i think i will always be 'scarred' somewhat. but anyways, i think that might go for everyone and one day you'll wake up and realize that you haven't been thinking about them for a while and you will realize that it is time to move on, but your heart will never forget. probably sounds ridiculous, but that's what i think. : )

stolen from brian..

62%

I am 62% worshipable! And you? Find out!

That's a little low, don't ya think? ; ) (j/k)

music: cherry poppin' daddies - my mistake

I had an interesting morning..I guess interesting is the right word. I woke up at 8:50am, about 25 min. before my alarm goes off. the thing that woke me up was the stupid people were out working on my street again making all kinds of freaking noise. So, I finally crawl out of bed at 9:30am and decide to go take my shower...so I get all of my stuff and I get in the shower and at this point I've wet my hair and as I am squirting shampoo in my hand, the water pressure drops dramatically and then *poof* there's no water. I am pissed at this point, and I get out of the shower, put my robe on and call my mom just to make sure she paid the water bill, and she did...so I guess the stupid city people had to turn the water off. man, i wanted to go out there and yell at them and tell them how nice it was of them to let people know when their water is going to be turned off.....buttheads...
So yeah, I didn't get my shower this morning...luckily I did take one last night, so I was clean. I just needed to wash my hair this morning. I had to wear my hair up today cause, well, it needed washing and it was wet..so that was my interesting morning. : )

Oh a few more things I want to comment on... : )

~ you don't like hershey's chocolate?!?!?! Oh my...that stuff is soooooo good. ; )
~ Even though I've told both of them...many, many congrats merc and ong. : )

music: beatles - yesterday