i didn't realize that it's been so long since i've updated. i've meant to, but there was nothing pressing to say, really.

i was fortunate enough to feel the earthquake early sat. morning. i got up at 4am to get some water and 20 min. later i woke up to my bed shaking. (first one was 5.4, followed by a 4.5, 4.2 and several aftershocks). i guess if you grow up in southern ca you get used to them, but they're enough to make me want to go home. i just don't like them. apparently there was a small one last night around 8:03pm according to one of my suitemates, but i didn't feel that one. the earth seems to be quite lively lately...earthquakes in ca and in china. coincidentally, my suite is hosting a social tonight talking about disaster safety...mainly fire and earthquake i think. i am looking forward to it.

this last weekend i had the opportunity to meet dz, which was awesome. a very nice guy, it was cool to meet him. i also have to mention that ong made some very good food...i miss meals like that. : ) i just need to learn how to cook, plain and simple. i'm not incompetent, i know i can do it, i just haven't "learned". apparently i can bake well, so hopefully i will be able to cook well. or, i can just marry a guy who can cook. ; ) well, either way, it'd be cool to have a guy who can cook.

anyways, i'd like to know, what ever happened to the meaning of the phrase "it never rains in southern ca?" i dislike the rain...but i am not going to go off on that rant again. besides, i need to get back to reading...take care all.

music: moulin rouge (sdtk. 2) - your song

originally to be posted 2/15/2003....

i was home alone alllll day today and will probably be most of the day tomorrow. vanessa decided to go home and jen was in san diego, so it was quite boring. i did go to the library and watch a movie for my lang. of film class. it was called a zed and two noughts. a very odd movie. I guess we're supposed to notice more about how the movie was made and not the content of the movie, but still. ooooh, and i made steak tonight...my first time! i bought 2 small chuck steaks and i marninated them in a herb and garlic marinade and baked them and it came out pretty good. the meat was a little tough, which, normally i wouldn't mind, but for some reason my teeth have been hurting all day. i guess i've been doing some extra clenching. anyways, it was hard to chew the meat because my teeth hurt. i had mashed potatoes to go w/it. too bad i didn't have a veggie. next time i go to the grocery store i should buy some corn. that's about the only thing i'll eat vegetable wise. so yeah, that was my day...and tomorrow is the daytona 500, which i will be getting up to watch...go jerry nadeau! ; )

oh yeah...and i just got done watching moulin rouge for the first time. took me long enough, huh? a very powerful movie...i think a lot of musicals can be that way, because words that are sung can be much more powerful than words that are spoken. i was very pleased w/the movie and it lived up to every expectation i had. i cried a little...but what does one expect from a tragic love story? i can't believe it took me close to 2 years to see that movie. heh. i also have new found appreciation for ewan mcgregor... ; ) what a cutie he is...

"the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." ~ Moulin Rouge. *love* that quote.

music: moulin rouge - one day i'll fly away

so today is valentine's day. i've been thinking about a lot of things today. i hate how valentine's day is so commercialized. i love the concept behind it, it's a day of love and it's a day of being with the one you love and telling them how you feel. i guess i am a little bitter, bummed, hurt, lonely, etc. because i don't have someone to share that with. though i am incredibly bitter, i am happy for many of my friends who have someone to share this day with. even though i don't have a guy to share today with, i was given a little thing of chocolates last night by merc and ong and i got a teddy bear in the mail today from my parents (which made me cry). i know i always say that i don't feel loved. i'm sure everyone knows that i do feel loved, but i am longing for a different kind of love. i have no plans for the day. probably just sit around w/my conversation hearts, chocolates, teddy bear and watch movies or find something to get into on the net.

happy valentine's day.

i am really intimidated by my production class. it's not the equipment or anything (we learned about the camera's and switcher today), but on the first day the teacher was talking about us having to do psa's. (public service announcments). then, i was under the impression that we did the psa's as a group, but nope...we each have to do our own psa. which means we have to come up with the actual concept, do the shot sheets, script, floor plan, lighting plan, storyboard, casting, etc. *this* is why i dislike production. getting in and doing the actual work, i don't mind as much. but, i honestly struggle when it comes to coming up w/concepts and ideas.(which is why i'd never make a good producer..or director for that matter). i will probably be asking you guys for help, because i am going to struggle through this, i know it. i've already got a few organizations chosen that i may want to do a psa for. it's just when you're in groups, you get several ideas, ya know? *sigh*

i also planned on joining the tv/film society, which is a club on campus, but the other night i spent more money at target (for stuff i need) than i planned, so now i don't think i'm gonna do it. it costs $25 to join, and i do have the money, but i am really trying to cut out expenses. currently, there are no jobs on campus which i am qualified for. i think when i send back my financial aid, i'm going to sign up for work-study, though i dunno if i'll qualify. i wanted to avoid getting a job off campus for transportation purposes, but i may have to. i need to think about next year as well.

man, too many things to worry about...

music: my room mates internet radio

last night my room mate and i went to downtown disney and then to the movies. for those who don't know, downtown disney is just a string of shops near or in front of disneyland. i am not too sure. i just found out what downtown disney was last week. it was only the two of us home, so we just decided to go out. it was nice...there's a house of blues at downtown disney which is pretty sweet, cause 311 has played there. i didn't realize it was so close. anyways, we went and saw chicago. i absolutely loved it. i've never seen the play, but the movie was good. now i want to see the play a lot. the music/songs are awesome. guess you have to be a fan of musicals(which i am), but i've already downloaded most of the songs off of the movie soundtrack. ; ) i would just buy it, but i shouldn't spend money. so i'll download them all and burn a cd and maybe eventually i'll get the real version. oh, we also ate at coco's, i had never been there. it was nothing special, though.

i am home alone now. vanessa went to pick up jen and i think there are going to some bars. they asked me to go, but i declined. i think it'd be cool to go, just to see what it's like. but i kept thinking, okay, i'd be w/ a group of good looking people and what if there were cute guys and no one talked to me or something. i know it's stupid to worry, but i mean *what if*. i'm not saying if would have happened, but i wouldn't want to go through that. i don't need a huge blow like that, i feel bad as it is. ; ) I was going to hang out w/merc and ong, but he was sick, and btw merc, i hope you are feeling better. : )

*sigh* i'd like to spill out how i'm feeling right now, but i would sound even more pathetic than i have. so i shall, hush. and welcome back, brian.

music: chicago - mr. cellophane

i feel like i've been so emotional lately. and it's not because it's *that time*, it's just been a constant thing. i well up w/tears when i hear songs, on some tv commercials and things i would normally never get misty over. i am extra sensitive, everything is hitting me in the wrong way it seems. *shakes head* i just don't get it.

well, this evening i had the one class which i hadn't been to yet, and that was language of film. i can safely say that out of all my teachers this semster, this one is the one i dislike the most. he's really not *that* bad, but his attitude kinda sucks...oh, and his rules. i am in a 2 hr. 45 min. class and there are no breaks, which sucks. let's just say that tonight i literally gave my bladder a pep talk to keep it from bursting. we watch films every week in the class and he mentioned that it makes him nervous when people get up during a film and if people do that he's been known to shut the movie off, send people home and make the quiz on the film twice as hard so no one can pass it. so i sat there for and 1 hour 45 min. talking to my bladder, trying to calm it down. i was saying "okay, only 1 hour to go," "okay, only 30 min. to go." stupid huh? there were a fews times i thought about just getting up and telling him it was an emergency,cause it kinda was, but i didn't do it. cause what if i did and he shut off the movie and then everyone gets mad at me. *that* is the main thing i don't like about him. and he's blunt...and we all know how well i do w/bluntness. : )

i only have one class tomorrow, and that's my film music class. that one guy i mentioned before (2/3/2003), sat next to me again...acted like he almost made it a point to sit by me, which is cool, because i certainly wouldn't mind knowing someone in that class. too bad he's married... ; ) at least i'm not one of those women who go after married men. : )

ooooh, and i had my video production lab yesterday. there's about 20 of us and we were all talking. i am glad, because i know it's beneficial to make friends in that class (ong told me) and when they say hi first or something it makes it lot easier on me, because ya know, i'm shy. : ) oh and tonight i sat by a girl who's in my video production lecture as well, so that's kinda cool. too bad she's not in the same lab as me.

alright, i'm done...i'm tired amongst other things. until next time.....

i'll tell you, today was just one of those days. i didn't feel good when i woke up. i think i'm trying to get sick, which isn't surprising...2 out of the 3 times i've travelled from fullerton to home or vice versa, i've gotten sick. my biggest guess is the weather change..but yeah. then i get to my intro to women's studies class and it's not going to be my fav. class. i think it'll be kind of interesting, but i guess i'll see what happens. at one i went to go to my american studies class and found out that the section i signed up for was cancelled for the whole semester. *sigh* apparently the school is doing that w/all kinds of classes. i was taking 5 classes with 15 units, so at least w/o that class i am still full time. nothing else big happened, i've just had a clumsy day and what not. all i can really say to describe it was that it was just one of those days.

i still have one more class to go to, but it's not until thursday evening and it's one day a week. it's language of film and i know a little about that class from a guy next door who took it and i'm a little apprehensive about it. i figured i'd keep the class, see if i liked it and if i didn't, i'd drop. but now that my american studies class is cancelled, i have to keep it. i sure hope i like it.

there's more i want to say...but i dunno. i'm not feeling "at home" here and after every day, the desire to live on campus next year becomes less and less. i'd love to be on my own, in an apt, w/room mates...but if i *barely* afford to live on campus, there's no way I can live off campus. not to mention i have no car...rock and a hard place i guess...*shrug*

music: mxpx - chick magnet

here i am back in southern ca. i got all of my stuff put away and had my first day of school. today i had film music and intro to production...i think i am going to like these classes...film music because it involves two of my fav. things (film and music) and intro to production because the teacher seems really cool...i like her. i'm not a huge fan of production itself, but it's a must take class. honestly, i wonder sometimes why i am so interested in film. i mean, film majors are almost creative by nature, ya know? various degrees of creativity, but creative. i, on the other hand, have a very low degree of creativity. i get ideas and everything, but i dunno...i just hope i don't have to do very much directing or decision making because i feel i just don't have the mind for that. which is weird cause i know editing takes some sort of creativity. alright, i am gonna shush before i start rethinking my major...

i was on my way to my film music class this morning when i passed by this guy, he was tall and cute, so i took notice. when i get to my class, i notice he is standing by my class, so i was like, cool he's in my class. then, when the teacher finally gets there, we go in to sit down and he starts to sit a seat away from me. i looked over, we said hi and he sat next to me. we started talking and it wasn't about anything special, and i happen to look down and guess what is on his ring finger of his left hand? a silver band. *sigh* it never fails, man.

anyways, tomorrow i have intro to women studies and american studies. here's to those classes going well.