this is 3rd attempt to update today...

i took a quiz at emode.com that told me that any potential mate of mine should be a cancer. the quiz results described the characteristics of a cancer and i think it's too much like me. i don't want an exact opposite of me, but where i am weaker, i want my mate to be stronger, ya know? hopefully that makes sense. i don't even know anyone who is a cancer, well, guys anyway. i've never even liked a cancer...i've liked a virgo (which is what i am), leos, geminis, a pisces, and Sagittarius(ians). i think that's it. i don't totally believe in "the stars" or whatever, but i find it interesting. this has just been on my mind since i found out another girl on my floor has met a guy...everyone is meeting guys and i feel left out dammit. : ) she met this guy at a 7-11. yeah anyway, enough of this..

i have to redo my idea for my psa. my teacher didn't tell me i had to, but i think it'll be easier overall if i do. she looked over my pre-production packet and things just weren't flowing well. i had 3 people in my psa and now i'm going to make it 2, so i have to redo everything. hopefully i can get that done by the end of this week, so after spring break i can just turn it in. i also need to do laundry today. i think i might wait until it gets somewhat cooler outside. not that it's 100 degrees or something, but it's warm. i would just wait until i went home this weekend, but i don't have enough clothes to make it through the week.

jack johnson has an awesome new song..."the horizon has been defeated." cool name too. : )

music: the doors - the alabama song

i feel very odd tonight. i am not sure what is wrong, but i could honestly start crying right now. i've felt this way all day long and i hate the fact that i have no clue why i do. it's so dumb, if i were to start crying, i would have no idea why. makes no sense to me...i have no reason to be feeling all emotional. i was going to watch cruel intentions, but i'm not sure if i can handle a love story, even if it isn't your typical love story. maybe i'm feeling out of place again, this over bearing feeling of "i don't belong here." i wonder what it'll feel like to know you're where you belong. to be in a situation or circumstance and being able to tell yourself, "i'm doing the right thing." or "i'm in the right place." i realize that i am probably not making any sense...it's 11:40pm, and while it's not that late, i am tired and my head is fuzzy and i'm just releasing what seem to be the coherent thoughts floating around at the moment. i should take up some kind of relaxing technique...some kind of deep breathing or yoga (that's relaxing isn't it?) or something. k, this post is totally random...

i have been addicted to jack johnson all week. i listened to it about a week ago when merc, ong and i were on our way home in the car and then i burned it from one of my suitemates. i have no idea what it is, his voice, the music, or what..but i can just sit here, close my eyes and just listen to the music from the inside. i know that probably makes no sense. i'm not sure how to explain it. i think it's music that gets to me...anyways i like it and i've listened to it at least once a day since i've burned it..and i'm at it again. : )

i got up this morning and went to the library to watch a movie for my class. it sucked. i honestly don't see what my teacher could like about this film, so i am hoping he showed us this for contrast and affinity of tone and coincidence and non-coincidence. i had a hard time staying awake.

hmm...i'm all alone...jen went to see the guy she's dating, melissa is gone...i didn't even know she left, and vanessa went somewhere. you know, it would be a beautiful day to go to the beach...and i am stuck here. : \ dammit, i need a car...*sigh*

i think i'm gonna go to sleep now...

music: jack johnson - fortunate fool

i love this. if you can't read the writing it says, "There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only 8
who do."

i am a dork. ever do or say something that sounds good at the time and then say, you wake up the next morning and you feel like banging your head against the desk because you realized what you did or said was or probably came off as stupid? i am in that situtation.

music: roxette - it must have been love

i just got done taking my video production midterm. i can't tell how i did...i knew a lot, but i also had to guess on quite a few. hopefully they were good guesses.

had a great weekend. i went home w/merc and ong and i surprised my parents, which was fun. it was cool to go home this weekend because it was my mom's b-day. i got to make her cake and everything (as mentioned in my last post). i also witnessed my parents getting drunk, which was interesting. well, my dad wasn't that interesting, but my mom was. i have never seen her drunk and it was just weird...cause i mean, it was my mom. they were at their friend's house and i went over there too and they all sent me on an alcohol run because none of them could drive. i got a $5 tip from it, so it was all good. : )

i got my shoes for my best friend's wedding this weekend. her wedding is come up in like 6 weeks...i can't believe it. it hasn't even hit me yet that she is getting married, though i'd think a $200 dress and $40 shoes would have clued me in. *shrug* i think it's going to be a busy April and May, lots of things going on.

hmm, well, i'm off to work on my psa...wooooooooo

music: linkin park - somewhere i belong

wooooo, got out of class early today. : ) that is always a good thing...though today's class was interesting. it was my women's studies class and a girl did a presentation about women in vietnam, like the nurses and red cross people. it was cool. oh, and i stayed up until 1am doing work for this class because we were supposed to have 30 points accumulated by today, so i assumed it had to be by class time, but nope...i had until midnight tonight. so i could have gone to bed at 11 like i wanted too.

it has been absolutely beautiful here. mid-high 70s all week. it is so nice. it's supposed to rain this weekend though. : ( i really hate the rain, it is just no fun. plus a few of us are supposed to go to irvine on sat, but i dunno if that will happen if it rains. hmm, this weekend is also my mom's b-day. i wish i could be home to celebrate and bake her special cake. aww, i'm all sad now. : ( maybe i can make it when i'm home for spring break.

i need to finish a scholarship essay today...i have to answer the question of why i deserve the scholarship or why i need it. i chose to do why i need it, but it needs to be around 400 words and i only have a little over 300. guess i need to fluff it up a bit. then i need to read for my class tonight, and hmm...i think that is it.

i confirmed all of the talent for my psa, so i am happy. one of my suitemates and 2 guys on my floor are going to help me. i think i basically got the script down, i just need to think of a way to start the whole psa. yesterday in my video production lab we went through practice rotations and for about an hour and half i got to play floor director. that was cool, i enjoyed it. the hardest part i think is going to be directing and learning terminology used and learning a good pace to direct a live/live to tape show. i don't have to direct for the practice rotations for a while, so hopefully i can pay attention to other people to pick up pointers. the switcher scares me too, but i think i can handle it. i am enjoying it. : )

k, think i've babbled long enough. if you're bored, and want to look at beautiful pictures, go here.

music: something corporate - walking by

my posting has been really sporadic lately. there hasn't been anything to write about. aside from being sick, nothing has been going on. i think i started getting sick around last tues. i am feeling better, but my throat really hurts. i got some antibiotics for my swollen tonsils and i was hoping that by today my throat would be all good, well better anyways, but it hurts more today. maybe it's because i missed a pill yesterday. who knows.

i am determined to be more studious this week. so far this semester, i haven't been as aggressive as i should be when it comes to my classes. i think it's because i don't have any regular tests in any of my classes...all i have is the midterm and the final, so i am "not having" to keep up w/the work. i really want to get the pre-production stuff for psa done this week so the teacher can look it over before my final due date. it's due the day after we come back from spring break, so i'd like to get it done before spring break. the only class i am really keep up with is my lang. of film class. well i guess i lied, i do i weekly quizzes in that class, which is probably why i am keeping up w/the work.

there has been love in the air around my suite...currently i am living my love life through my room mate and one of my suitemates. apparently they both had awesome dates this weekend and are totally twitterpated (i love that word! if you've seen bambi, you know what i mean). ; )

tomorrow's 311 day! wooooooo!

christina aguilera - impossible (yeah, i know what you're thinking...)

i wrote this around 3am march 2nd...

i feel like whining, complaining, venting, the whole nine yards. and since it is my blog, i am entitled to do so. hopefully you still feel like reading it.

i have come to the conclusion that every guy i seem to like is out of my reach. some are different levels than others, such as 1) being out of reach physically (distance), 2) the guy not being remotely interested in me (at least not romantically - apparently i'm a great friend), 3) guys not being my type (yet i am sprung), or 4) any combination of 1, 2, or 3. not sure if this is a pattern or if it is all coincidence. of course, i supposedly had one guy for two years, but he too was out of my reach, living 4 hours from me.

sometimes i hate that i want a boyfriend - it's just that i am 21 and i haven't experienced what it is like to be in love or have that love returned. though, i try to tell myself that it'll happen when the time is right, blah blah blah, but that does little to console me.

ya know what the problem is? I know what the problem is - looks matter too damn much. now, i'm not going to sit here and say that i would never want a significant other who is good looking because then i'd be lying. the huge difference is that I don't care! ultimately, all i care about is the guy's personality, his values, and whether or not he is an overall good and decent guy who can treat me right. now, i know that part of the problem is that my confidence and self esteem is minimal, but if looks weren't such an issue, i honestly wouldn't think i'd have that problem or it wouldn't be as much of a problem. there's got to be some guys out there who can look past that shit. i know they exist. and i am not saying that people who really like looks are wrong or whatever, it is their preference. but i am not a bad person, i have a lot to offer someone, but here i am writing this blog. which, i don't have to, but this stuff has been on my mind for a few days now.

so excuse the complaining, whining and overall pathetic soundingness. just having somewhat of a tough time and i needed to try and get it out. thanks for reading if you made it this far.

*yawn* i am so tired. i had a really fun weekend, which hasn't happened in a while. spent most of it at merc and ong's, hanging out w/them and dz. i love being at merc and ong's. they are the awesomest (is that a word?) people. dz is great too and w/the 3 of them it was fun. so thanks again, you guys. dz left last night, so here's to him having a good and safe trip.

i watched a total of 5 movies this weekend, all of which i hadn't seen. 3 of them were awful...simone, monster's ball (not worth an oscar for halle berry if you ask me), and some chinese movie for my lang. of film class. btw, ong, the movie that i watched today was the one you were trying to think of...it's called fallen angels. then this evening i went w/my suitemates and a few other people to see how to lose a guy in 10 days. typical chick flick love story...it was cute, but of course i left the theater wishing i had someone, which always happens when i watch those movies. originally we were supposed to go see old school, but they didn't accept discounted tickets for that movie, which is what we had. that was fine w/me...old school seems like a waste of film and money, but that's just my opinion.

last night i also attended my first house party. it was pretty fun. about an hour after we got there, the cops showed up and a lot of people left, but my room mate and i stayed cause we were of age and everything. i had a *very* strong screwdriver...i think it was 50 - 75% vodka...it was also made w/orange punch and not orange juice...pretty good after a while though.

there was something i was going to say and i can't remember...oh well...

music: mxpx - oh donna