Lost

The early twenties seems to be an awkward age...you feel like you know what you want to do w/your life, but at the same time you don't. As I was writing down a list of goals today, a thought came to mind - a thought I have had many times before. Am I doing the right thing with my life? And more specifically, am I getting into the right field for my career? Merc told me that the major doesn't matter, but the degree does. Even if that is right, will it justify spending 3 years majoring in Radio/TV/Film? Okay, I may get a degree out of it, but how do I get rid of the feeling that it was time wasted. I still think it would be awesome to work in the film industry, but I feel like I lack the talent and passion to make it. I haven't seemed to find at least ONE thing I am good at, that I excel at - something that could pursue. It's an awful feeling. I feel so lost, I feel like I am just floating through school and doing what I have to do to get by. I mean, I'm not just barely passing classes, but I lack the passion and the drive to excel and be better at my major. Maybe as I write this I am having a motivation problem and tomorrow I could wake up and feel totally different. I'm just freaked because this isn't the first time I've thought about this. For the most part, I have enjoyed my film classes, and I do enjoy editing, which is my first career choice. I just don't feel passionate about anything in my life right now...and because of that, I don't have the drive and motive to "better" my craft. I am surrounded by people who have a knack for this or a knack for that or a whole butt load of things and I am envious. I feel I am okay at a lot of things, but not great at one or excel at another. I just keep having this question, "what am supposed to do in life?" I suppose this is something everyone asks themselves at one point in their life and I suppose my feelings aren't unique. One of the goals I wrote down on my list was work with animals. I would honestly love to work w/animals...I can see myself looking forward to going to work every day. A far cry from a film career. I just don't know. Like I said, I could wake up tomorrow feeling totally different, but right now this is how I feel.

Rain, Rain Go Away

I must say, I have never seen it rain so much in Southern CA. It's so annoying....and cold. I guess it's supposed to let up tomorrow, but a new system is coming in on Wed. and it's supposed to bring in a lot of rain as well. I'm definitely over this rain...though I can't wait for it to clear up, the air is going to be so nice and clean.

Had a good weekend. Hung out w/Merc and Ong most of the time, definitely had fun. Got a teeny bit tipsy...good times.

We have a TV again!!! (Thanks to Merc and Ong). It is sooooo nice. Now I can watch Friends and American Idol and other stuff. ;) Now we just need a VCR.

I am really craving a Frappachino from Starbucks. I wish the Starbucks on campus would make them, but they don't make blended drinks. I have to get them on the rocks, it's just not the same.

Alright, I really need to go read....oh yeah....311 show this Sunday!!!!! I'm so damn excited!!!! : D

Music: Pepper - Stormtrooper

Randomness

I never realized that it had been a few days since I've updated.

I am feeling better, which is good. Truth is I sound worse than I feel. I am still congested and everything, but I do feel better.

Watched an interesting movie in my class today. It was called Timecode. It was all shot on digital video tape and there were *no* cuts. The screen was cut into 4 sections and most of the time each section had a different story line, so you, the audience, got to decide what story line/section you wanted to follow. Each section was related to the same basic plot, each section just followed a different character. That's a better way to put it. It was all improved around a certain structure as well. It was really interesting. I've never seen a movie done in this fashion. I definitely recommend it, not that the plot and story lines were awesome (they weren't that bad), but just to see a movie done in a different way.

Roommates and I went out to dinner tonight and then we went and worked out. I feel so proud. :) And, of course, now we're making brownies...go figure. :)

One of my keychains broke today...I'm so bummed. :
No plans for the weekend. I have homework to do, but I always have work to do. Maybe I'll do something else...*shrug* Guess we'll see. :)

Down With The Sickness

Well, just as I suspected, I got sick. Woke up Monday morning feeling like crap and not being able to talk. My throat feels a lot better today and I have my voice back, but I still feel like crap. Actually skipped my two classes today so I could stay home and rest. I rested a lot...probably spent 5-6 hours in bed today, mostly sleeping. I wanted to rest today because I have a class tomorrow that's only one day a week and I wanted to make sure I was kind of well to go to that one...I'd hate to miss it.

Despite being sick, I did get a lot of work done yesterday. I only have a little bit more to read and I will be caught up for my one day a week class. May not sound like much, but I am proud...especially considering the book I am reading. So I hope tomorrow I wake up feeling better than I do now. :)

I also went to the little store here at the dorms to buy a can of soup for dinner. It was $1.19. One of those cans of Campbell's condensed soup. *shakes head* They're cheaper in the grocery store. I swear, schools will do whatever they can to get just a few more cents from you.

Oh well, I'm off to go read...and possibly bed...I feel beat.

In Tyler We Trust

Well I couldn't avoid it anymore...I had to go watch Fight Club. Had to watch it for my Contemporary film class. I really liked the movie. I am glad I understood it. I had seen part of it before, but I didn't understand it at the time. I talked to Ong about it before I saw it, so it helped me to understand what was going on in the movie. A very pop culture-esque movie, talking about consumerism and what not. I thought it was well done, the editing was great. I especially love the little "subliminal" frames of Tyler in the beginning. Very clever.

Overall, today wasn't a bad day I guess. I watched that, did some reading and then my roommates and I went to Denny's and then to Cold Stone. Good times.

I am actually feeling pretty blah right now...mentally and physically. I am afraid I may be getting sick. I've been stuffy off and on and I've been getting sinus headaches. My throat is starting to feel scratchy now. I really don't want to deal w/being sick...though I am probably due for it...for some reason my body feels the need to be sick every few months or so. Blah. I actually feel really groggy right now...I took some generic Benedryl. I can never take medicine w/o wanting to fall asleep. I did notice that I have 2 unopened boxes of medicine...Dayquil and Nyquil...so if I happen to get sick, I am prepared.

I also keep forgetting that I have no school tomorrow...I better remember that...I really want to sleep in the morning. Anyways, I am off to do whatever...hope life finds everyone well.

Work

I have a lot I need/want to get done this weekend. I need to do laundry, I want to clean my room (my side anyways), I need to clean the bathroom...and of course there's homework. I have so much reading to do. Perhaps, though, I will keep myself busy today and I won't be reminded of what day it is. It was sweet though, an old roommate last year gave me a Valentine's card...it's really cute. Inside it says, "No, I don't have impossibly high standards. I'm just trying to find someone I actually like." She said it reminded her of me. :)

K, just wanted to do a quick update...better get started on mah stuff. On a completely different note, I seem to find my ring. NOT good.

Music: Finger Eleven - Bones & Joints

Valentine's Day...

...can we just skip this day? How about protesting it? Anyone w/me?

School

It is only the 2nd week of the Spring semester and school is driving me nuts. There is not one class that I am excited about or click with. I'm bummed about that. And my pop culture class is quickly disappointing me. It's not so much the class itself...I mean it hasn't been that exciting yet, but we're still going over introductory things. But the teacher annoys me. She's very nice and young and hip and all that, but she insists on making us participate in class and insists on collecting our notes to see how exactly we take our notes. Doesn't that seem silly? This is an upper-division, college course. By now everyone probably has a system of taking notes (including me), so why does she feel she needs to check and see and tell us how to take notes? And making us participate? I mean, you all know I'm a little shy so I usually don't participate unless I have something to say, but now I feel I have to because I am being graded on it and if I don't, she'll pick on me and put me on the spot. I'm sorry, but this just feels like high school. I'm willing to bet she is a new(er) professor. Anyways...my criminal justice class wasn't bad today...he actually lectured. He's only lectured twice in 5 class meetings. I dunno, maybe things will start picking up and I will actually have a class that I will enjoy going to. If it doesn't pick up, this is going to be a semester of pulling teeth, I know it.

In other news, saw Merc and Ong yesterday...very cool. I really missed them. They also have advised against my getting an eyebrow piercing. I've been thinking about what they said, and now I am undecided instead of "pretty sure." It's not a case of my not wanting it, because I do. I am just trying to figure out why I do and what not.

I really should go read...I have about 30 pages to read by 4pm.

The Grammys

Went over to another suite last night and watched The Grammys and I believe it was the worse Grammys show I have ever seen. They didn't have a good range of performances...I thought the best ones were Prince in the beginning and Outkast at the end. Too many of the songs were all slow. The show, overall, was boring. And omg what was with the Beatles tribute??? That has got to be the worst Beatles tribute I have ever seen. It was cool that they had George Harrison's wife, Yoko Ono, Ringo and Paul up there, but it sucked cause the audience wasn't even into it when half of them (maybe more) wouldn't have been there if The Beatles never happened. Oh and out of ALL The Beatles songs they could have chosen to be performed, they choose "I Saw Her Standing There". Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad song, but I know there were Beatle songs that "affected" the industry more than that one. I don't know, I just thought it was awful. Such a great band deserved more.

Fashion and Piercings

Today was a cool day. My roommate and I got up this morning and went to LA to the Fashion District. I had never been there and it was pretty neat. She was going to get some beads because she's making a necklace and she had invited me along cause I had never been to LA (except for the train station). There were a lot of people there, but it was still awesome. A lot of cute places. Most of them were clothing, handbags/luggage and jewelry. I almost bought this bracelet, but decided it wasn't worth $8.00 to me. :) I was actually supposed to go to a party tonight also, but it got cancelled. But it's alright, I'm tired from all the walking we did.

I have decided, well pretty sure I have, that I am getting an eyebrow piercing. I wanted to about a year ago, but I never went through w/it and I had convinced myself that it probably wouldn't look good on me. But this week my roommates were saying that it would look good and I've asked other people and they agree, so now the only thing I need to decide is whether or not to get a hoop or barbell. It's about 50-50...half of the people say barbell and half say hoop. At first I was partial to the hoop and now I'm partial to the barbell. Maybe I can interchange them if they're around the same size. But yeah. I've decided that it would be out of my character to go do something like this, which is a big part of why I want to. I'm trying to start to "live." I'm tired of not doing anything or not experiencing anything. I'm only young once and why not make what I can of it? So does anyone have any opinions? I'm up for hearing them... :)

Anxious

I haven't felt very well the past few days. Last night I started to feel shakey (not literally shaking though) and I had this nervous and tight feeling in my chest. I didn't eat much yesterday, but I don't think that was it. It felt more like nerves and anxiety and I have no idea why. I am not stressed about anything. The only thing I can think of is I spent a lot money yesterday....$218 on books, plus another $70 for printer cartridges (I somehow forgot how expensive those were). So, I dunno. Last night I even called home cause I wasn't feeling good. Today, the anxious feeling is still there, but it's not as bad as last night. I just hope it goes away soon...I do not feel normal.

Yesterday I had my Pop Culture class and my children's Television class. Pop Culture sounds like it's going to be fun. The teacher is younger and she seems "hip" so, I'm looking forward to learning a lot in that class. Children's TV sounds like it's going to be an easy class. We have to do one group project and research a children's TV show....and we have to write a proposal for a children's TV show. Not thrilled about that, but we all knew that, huh? Not the creative/coming up w/ideas type. ;) This evening I have my American Studies class on Cultural Radicism, or the Counter-culture. And I just realized yesterday that I have a Pop Culture class and a Counter-culture class...so it ought to be interesting. :) I'm looking forward to that class. I've had the teacher before and I really liked him.

Oh, and A Praise Chorus is a great song.

Music: The Apex Theory - Apossibly

We're Primitive

My suite is officially without a TV. It belonged to the roommate that moved out and last night she came to pick it up. Things are going to be so boring now. Can't watch normal TV, can't watch movies. The movies part doesn't crush me too bad, it's the fact that I will miss Friends. And none of us have a TV. It sucks.

I had my one class today...Intro to Criminal Justice. It seems interesting. Teacher seems alright, a bit cocky, but a sense of humor. Tomorrow I have 2 classes, so my day shouldn't be as boring as today has been.

Right now I'm listening to a band called Pepper. They're opening up for 311 for the concert I'm going to. I really like them...definitely reggae-ish. Lead singer sounds like Bradley Nowell from Sublime and their music is kind of similar to Sublime. Really cool...I'm diggin it. :) Check them out if you feel so inclined. ;)

Music: Pepper - Too Much

Reporting from S-406

Well, I am back at the dorms, which is cool...I guess. I really don't want to start school tomorrow. It seems that once school starts, time just flies and I don't like that. I am anticipating this semester being easier than the last. There will probably be a lot of reading though, but that is a given when taking American Studies classes. Most of those classes have multiple small books rather than one big textbook. And speaking of books, I am going to go today to get my books, well most of them at least so I don't have to deal with all of the people in the coming week. I also only have one class tomorrow, so it ought to be an easy day for me. :)

Tomorrow is also my dad's appointment with the surgeon. It was supposed to be a few weeks ago, but it had to be rescheduled. I really wish I could go, just so I can hear first hand how his surgery would be done and the risks and what not. I think he's slowly adjusting to this diabetes thing. His diet has drastically changed and he has to check his blood sugar everyday. My mom is also adamant that the next time I come home, she is going to check my blood sugar. She's thinking I could be hypoglycemic because a lot of the times if I don't eat, I get real shakey, sick at my stomach and I get headaches. I'm scared of my finger being pricked, but my dad says it doesn't hurt and it's not like getting it pricked when you go to the doctor for a physical.

Anyways, not much to say. I probably would have updated yesterday but the Internet in the dorms wasn't working. And it is when you can't use the Internet when you realize how much you do use it and depend on it. For example, I hung out 2 of the guys next door last night...we were all lost w/o our Internet. My roommate and another girl then came over and we started to play a game and my roommate and I wound up playing Super Mario 3 on Nintendo. :) It was fun though...hung out w/them from about 8pm - 2am.

K, I think I'm off to the showers so I can go buy me books. Hope everyone is well. :)

Music: 3 Doors Down - Here Without You