Off Thursday

I have no finals today and for that I am very glad...though I am busy doing other things. I am in the process of laundry, then I have to clean, study and pack. It's going to be a busy day. I got up after 9...I wanted to get up earlier, but I just couldn't drag myself out of bed.

Checked my e-mail this morning and got one from Financial Aid - they worked out my money for next year and I will have PLENTY of money for next year. There has got to be a way to get the money for my deposit. I'm going to go talk to the head Housing person, even though she's said there won't be any payment arrangements. I figure I have nothing to lose. This has got to work out somehow...I can't go back home, I just can't.

Oh and yesterday I got a rejection letter for the job I applied for at the dorms. It kinda sucks because I would have liked to have it and I think it would have looked good on my resume, but whatever. They wouldn't even give me an interview. My roommate got one and I really hope she gets it. She really wants to stay in the OC for the summer.

Finals have been going okay. The 2 I had on Tuesday didn't go that bad at all. I didn't get to finish one of them. I also didn't get to finish the final I had last night. *shrug* I even wrote over 8 pages for each final. I just hope I did well. I have 2 more finals tomorrow - Criminal Justice and Contemporary Film. I don't think these ones will be too bad. I have a lot to study though, so I should go do that. :)

Music: Cake - Mexico

bLaH

I got up this morning and went to talk to an actual financial aid counselor to see about getting money for my housing deposit and that was pointless. I didn't even get my whole story out before this lady was like "nope, can't do anything." She really pissed me off too. The whole time I was talking to her, she was looking down and doodling on her desk calendar. I mean come on, at least give me some fucking courtesy by giving me eye contact when I'm talking to you. I swear, everyone in that office is rude. And now I wish I would have said something to her because that is just rude and disrespectful. But anyways, I have no clue what I am going to do now. I am officially out of ideas. My parents are trying to work something out, but I won't know anything for a while. So that's where that stands, but it's really looking like there will be no school for me next year and I am really sad about that. Very sad. It's funny though, my dad is acting like it's no big deal, just come home and work, save money, get a car...not that easy. He doesn't understand how much it took for me to get where I am. He doesn't understand the inner struggle I had to move from home and come here on my own...he doesn't understand how much of a failure I will feel like if I have to leave. It means a lot to me that I am here and going to school. But I figure there is no use in arguing with him.

Have my worst final tomorrow at 9:30am (send me good thoughts). I feel prepared but then again I don't. I figure all I can do is try the best I can. I also have another one that I have barely studied for right after my 9:30 one. I just want this week to be over...*sigh*

Supposedly, I will find something out tomorrow about the job I applied for at the dorms - nothing like waiting until the last minute, especially when we have to be out of here by Saturday. Things really aren't ran efficiently in the housing office.

I am looking forward to one thing though - 311 has a greatest hits album coming out June 8th. I probably won't be able to afford to get it, but it's exciting none the less. They also have a new single that's being released on the 31st of this month I think - I've already got a copy of it...it's very good.

Alright, I better get back to studying...

Random Friday

My last day of classes! Yay! Of course now I have to deal w/finals. I have a study group tomorrow and then I'm going to a friend's place to watch the Nascar race. Then I have another study group on Monday. I am hoping to start packing tonight and continue tomorrow night. I'm going to be out of the dorms by Friday night. And I've decided that I am going to do well and accomplish everything I want to in the next week.

Yesterday I was in the best mood I had been in all week and I think it's carried over to today. I still have crap looming over my head, but I'm just taking it one day at at time and trying not to freak out anymore.

Went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up; I actually went Monday morning to get blood drawn and got the results yesterday. Everything pretty much came back normal and I am healthy, I just need to get in better shape. So, I'm gonna keep trying to do that, though I haven't exercised lately because of time. I should though, I know it'll help get some stress out, which I really need. Maybe I will tonight.

There is this huge spider just chillin in mine and my roommates bathroom. Not cool. It's been there since Wed, well as far as we know. I finally saw it yesterday and it's ugly, black and as big as a quarter. When I saw it, it was at the top of the wall and I went to get my Swiffer so I could smash it, but I just couldn't do it. And before I could get the guts to do it, it went either on top of the light in our bathroom or it's i between the light and the wall, where it's dark. This is not a good situation for two girls who absolutely hate spiders. I just hope I don't see it again...*shiver*

Music: Maroon 5 - Tangled

$$

I have a problem. My parents and I are having a hard time coming up with the money for my housing deposit for next year. For those who don't know, my family doesn't have money and we have had pretty big financial issues the last 2 or 3 years. So my dad tells me to basically prepare for the worst, which would be not coming up w/the deposit money, which would mean I would have no place to live, which means I can't go to school. I've always kept this in mind, it was an issue when I first came to Fullerton and it was an issue last year as well. Both times we were able to manage and get the money, but this time it seems pretty grim. I've tried all I could think of to try and get some extra money, but none of it has worked out. I would be screwed if I quit going to school for now, because then I'd have to start paying back my loans. I'm just at a loss and I don't know what else I can do. It seems all I can do is wait and see what happens...leave it to fate, destiny, God, whatever. And I know I got myself into this situation...I've been looking for jobs off and on since about 2001, but I know I could have been more productive. I'm almost numb now. I have this money situation hitting me, school and finals hitting me and I am just numb. That could change, it is probably just how I feel at the moment, but as I write this, nothing is phasing me anymore. It's almost expected for shit like this to happen to me. It's almost like saying, "well, that's my life, nothing surprises me anymore." Yesterday I was upset and crying, today I am numb. I am curious as to what is going to happen next. Guess I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Wiener Sitting

I am house sitting for Merc and Ong again...I am kind of glad that they asked me to because this should give me a chance to get some work done with minimal distraction, which is a very good thing.

I have been doing pretty good about not freaking out and being stressed these last few weeks and last night it just ALL came back. I feel better today, I just need to have the confidence in myself that I can get things done and stay sane while doing it. :) I know I can do it, I just need to keep telling myself that I can do it..with that and occasional support from my friends, I should be good.

Today in my Pop Culture class we talked about this Beauty Culture and the TV show The Swan. It was an interesting lecture. Personally, I think The Swan is just horrible. I've only seen bits and pieces and I refuse to watch any more. It seems that TV has now sunk to a new low, but it seems that was the direction it was headed anyways. I mean, what a better way to tell people, "hey, everyone thinks you're ugly, so the best way to over come that, gain power, feel feminine, and feel better about yourself is to get 200 grand in plastic surgery and after that, if you look decent you can participate in a beauty pageant and if you're still ugly, buh-bye." We looked at The Swan website and they had videos of the girls saying how they felt about having the surgery done and some of the reasons were because they felt powerful, more confident and more feminine. I know that I don't always feel great about myself and a lot of the time I don't think I am as "pretty" as I want to be, but come on some plastic surgery isn't going to cure my problems. I guess these girls are also getting psychiatric care, but still. And I wonder how many little girls out there are watching it thinking that they NEED to be pretty to be accepted and liked. What kind of message is this show sending? I absolutely hate how everything is based on beauty...

Okay, that's the end of my rant on The Swan.

Wow, I login to Blogger and it's got a whole new look...not sure if I like it.
Anyways, I had a good weekend. My friend from San Diego came up and we all went to lunch on Saturday, then to a place called The Block. I got a pair of sunglasses...I probably shouldn't have spent the money, but they were only like $9.00 and they're cute. I also yelled at a kid for kicking a pigeon. Sometimes kids just piss me off...and it's not like it was a little kid, he was probably 12 or 13, so he definitely knew what he was doing. Saturday night we had dinner and bought some alcohol. :) I didn't go to bed until 6am Sunday morning, but it was interesting...I was sober, then I was drunk, then I was sober again all before I went to bed - it's a weird cycle. It was fun though, we listened to music, sang and danced. Good times.

Now that I have all of my big projects out of the way, I really need to begin studying. One class has already given us a type of study guide thing, so I should get started on that. Plus, as usual, I have reading for days. One bad thing about being an American Studies minor...SO much reading. Oh and I also have a test next week right before finals...isn't that stupid?

Hope everyone had a good weekend and a good Mother's Day. :)

Goodbye Friends

So, I watched the series finale of Friends last night. I thought it was good, I loved how it ended and as I knew I would, I cried. Not just because of what took place in the actual episode, but because it's all over. I'm sure it sounds ridiculous how someone can like a show so much...just like some of you probably can't understand why I like 311 so much. I'm sad it's gone, but Ong has all the DVDs, so I have a supplier for my Friends addiction. :)

I also got the picture back of me and Bob Saget. A friend of mine (she's in the picture too) is taking it home this weekend and will scan it, so I'll be sure to show anyone who is interested in seeing it.

Going to see 13 Going on 30 tonight. I'm excited to see it, I saw the test screening, so I want to see how it turned out and if they changed any big story lines.

K, that's all from me...hope everyone has a good weekend!

I met Bob Saget

That's right, I did. He was speaking here at Fullerton tonight. He's a really nice guy and funny as hell. Even got a pic with him at the end...heh. Not that I've ever been a huge Bob Saget fan, but hey...it's a celebrity. He was cool and very laid back. He mainly talked about his career and how he got started in the business. He never really went into his acting stuff, he talked more about his directing credits and everything. My friends and I got there early and we got to sit front row and he was standing right in front of where we were sitting. Oh it was funny, he called John Stamos on his cell phone and left a message saying he was at Cal State Fullerton and we all screamed, it was pretty funny...he put the cell phone up to the mic so everyone could hear John Stamos' voicemail message. I really had a good time, I'm glad I went. :)

K, that's all...just wanted to share. :D

Monday Randomness

I have a busy day today...I have reading to do then at 6:30 I have to meet with my group from my Children's TV class so we can get our presentation on the Rugrats together. Lucky for me, no one has sent me their information, so I will probably be up late working on the powerpoint presentation. I don't think that two of the girls in the group like the other 4, they just seem distant. Could be because they never come to class, so they haven't really gotten to know us or anything. I was actually kind of hoping that after doing this presentation tomorrow, things would slow down and I could relax, but I don't think that is gonna happen. Now I will have to start studying for finals and for the first time since I came to Fullerton, I have a final in every one of my classes, which means 5 finals. Joy huh? THEN I have to pack...even MORE joy. AND I also have to decide what I am doing this summer. I have no clue why I am having a hard time just committing to an answer. I think I am scared a little bit, because what I am being offered will, "light a fire under my butt" (as my dad told me) and try to give me a kick in the right direction and even though it is the direction I want to go, I am scared to face it. I don't get that. There will be an answer, soon, I promise.

One of my old roommates from last year is coming this weekend. It will be the last time I see her in maybe 1-3 years. She got accepted to AmeriCorps and she'll be moving to Delaware and possibly going to grad school there. It'll be cool to see her...it's just hard to believe she's moving so far away. I am happy for her though, it ought to be an awesome experience doing the whole AmeriCorps thing, plus moving to the east coast. I'd love to go there sometime..maybe live there for a little while.

Today is my best friend's 1 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe she's been married a year already. And it kind of sucks, as my friend pointed out, that it rained hard on her wedding day and now it's all sunny and nice. But supposedly rain on a wedding day is good luck.

*sigh* well, I guess I better get to reading...hope everyone had a good weekend. :)