Waiting for Karma's Revenge

Okay, so I did something last night - not terribly bad, I mean I didn't kill someone. But, today I am still wondering if I did the right thing.

I was parked on the street last night and I hit the car behind me trying to back out of my spot. I was fine with the car in front of me, but the car beind me left me practically no room. I had to do some nice drive/reverse/turn my wheel maneuvering to get out of the spot. Well, when I initially got in the car to back out, I backed to far and hit the car behind me. I heard the sound of metal kinda crunching so I was a bit freaked out. I pulled forward and sat in the car for a few moments. I will admit that I considered just pretending nothing happened, but then my conscience chimed in. So I go out of the car to inspect the damage. Well, I didn't see any. My car has a big bumper that sticks out and I suspect that my big ass bumper hit the car's license plate (the metal I heard). The car was black, mine silver and I didn't see any exchange of paint. Granted it was at night - but I was parked right by a street light. So, I got back in the car, got myself out of the spot and left.

Now, I decided not to leave a note because I didn't see any damage and while I do feel bad for hitting the car, I didn't want to leave a note saying so and then maybe have this person try to accuse me of creating damage that was already there. But, I very well could have left damage and did a hit and run. I looked at my car this morning and I really didn't see anything. I saw some chipped paint around where my license plate is, but I don't know if it was from what I did last night or if it was already there.

I'm just torn - part of me feels okay, but part of me doesn't. What if I did the wrong thing and Karma comes after me? Sigh. I don't know, what would you have done?

Music: Mamas & the Papas - Dream a Little Dream of Me

Happy 311 Day!!

Well, here you are, my annual "Happy 311 Day" post. This year 311 is putting on a huge show in Vegas - every other year, they put on a big concert on 03/11. Most of the time it's in the mid west or east coast, but this time they made to the west coast. I wish I could be there, 311 fans from all over the country come and meet in once place for a 311 show. I bet it's amazing because you know these people are hardcore fans. Hell, most 311 fans are hardcore. And, I've been to some awesome 311 shows and the energy that all of these fans bring is amazing.

Since I've had this blog over 7 years and been in love with 311 for 14 years, I know that I've mentioned what they mean to me. I will say that they have a different meaning to me now than they did years ago. Now I kind of look at 311 as a best friend - they've been around a while, have brought me happiness and comforted me in times when I needed it. It's a relationship, even though slightly changed now, that will never die.

Anyway, just a small shout out to my favorite band - and an awesome desktop picture that I love. Be sure to give a little listen to them today. ;)

Caught in the Middle

In most situations in life, I always try to be the neutral one. The one that sees both sides, doesn't have a strong opinion of A over B, the one that tries to help side A see the view point of side B or vice versa. Admittedly, there are times when I definitely feel more strongly about one side than the other, but I will usually keep that quiet and, for appearances, will be neutral. I don't know, I kind of think it's good to be neutral - it's good to see both sides of a situation, it's good to be objective where you can be and it's probable that you will be seen as trustworthy and will have more friends than enemies. But, it also gets you in trouble.

I won't go into details, but there is some drama at work right now - mainly two situations that I am somewhat involved with. I am not part of the drama, but I am involved with the people in/creating the drama. This is where being neutral gets tough. I am ALWAYS in the middle. In these work situations, I see both sides. I honestly do. And, at the same time, I'm trying to be friends with both sides. Though, in both situations, I feel more strongly about one particular side, but... I can't really show it. So, here I am getting talk from this person in my left ear and getting talk from that person in my right ear and it is so emotionally draining and somewhat stressful at times. Half the time I just want to yell "leave me the fuck alone, I can't handle this right now," but because I'm in the business of being neutral, I can't create conflict. Or, even if it's not a drama situation, everyone at work dumps on me - about their personal problems, work problems, etc. I don't know, I am kinda flattered that they feel they can talk to me, but it takes a lot out of me. Sometimes I can barely handle what's going on in my head. And I really just have this issue at work - very rarely does it happen in my personal life. I don't know, maybe it's because I spend 40+ hours a week with these people.

Being fair and seeing things neutrally is good, but I never know when to speak up for myself. And I'm always so worried of getting on some one's bad side. I apparently have this problem of needing/wanting to be liked. It's just very frustrating for me and I have dealt with this all of my life, since it happens with any human relationships that I have. And I'm not really sure if it's something I necessarily need to change, but I think I need to learn to handle it better - and well, I probably need to learn to not worry about what people think about me. It is hard trying to be everybody's friend and sometimes, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Kitty & Cali

Earlier this week my mom told me that two of our cats passed away. Even though I'm not living at home anymore, it still makes me very sad. Kitty was 15, Cali was 17...so they had both been around a long time and for a good chunk of my life. The oddest thing was that they both passed away about a day within each other. Not sure if they both had some sort of illness or if it was just coincidence. My mom says that the other two cats we have left are doing fine.

Cali, I was kind of planning for - I knew she was older and the last time I was home, she wasn't looking her best. But, Kitty, I definitely wasn't expecting. Cali had spent a good chunk of her years as an outside cat. We would try to bring her in, but the other cats would chase her and pick on her and she would always head for the door. It was kind of cool, you could pull into the driveway and Cali would run up and meet you. The last year or so my parents had gotten her to come into the house since she was getting older and, for the most part, the other cats left her alone.

Kitty and Cali are actually sisters - same mom. Kitty wasn't always the nicest cat, if I remember correctly, she was quite the little pain until we got her fixed. Then it seemed like she did a complete 180 and constantly wanted attention, when before, she'd want nothing to do with you. She never was a lap cat and you couldn't do things like pick her up and cuddle with her, but she was sweet. And she loved to go "hunting." She'd go into my parents bedroom and grab a clothes hanger that fell on the floor and she'd walk down the hallway with this hanger in her mouth, meowing. And it was quite difficult for her to walk. She would drop it on the floor, look at us and meow like "look what I got for you!" (If you don't know, most cats are like this - if you've ever found a mouse, lizard, bird or something on your doorstep, they bring back their kill to show you what they did...it's to sort of gain your approval and show their love).

Here's a picture of Kitty, unfortunately, I don't have a digital picture of Cali...



Anyway, they will be missed and while it's a little easier for me because I am removed from the situation, it's still hard and still a lot of memories. And it's never easy to lose an animal.

"Nice & Romantic" Dinner

Alright, so...my best friend and her hubby are visiting me this weekend. Last night, she and I decided to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We are seated on the patio and the waitress has already stopped by the table a few times to take our drink and food orders. She was passing by and noticed the little candle on our table was out, so she asked if we wanted it lit. It really didn't matter to me, but I think we both said sure. She lit it once and it went out, so she tried again. It was on this try that she said, while lighting it, "...make it nice and romantic."

Okay, so WTF? Apparently two girlfriends can't have dinner together?? It was early, like 6:30p, so not a late "dinner date." We were seated at a table for 4 and were sitting across from each other, not next to each other. Now, maybe it was one of those foot and mouth situations where she just said something she didn't mean to say, I mean, I do that all the time. Ya know...candles on a dinner table can be romantic, so maybe she said it w/o thinking that there were two chicks at the table. But seriously? Just because two people, of the same or opposite sex, are sitting at a table together doesn't mean they are TOGETHER. I've run into this problem w/some male friends as well. Unless you see some sort of affectionate activity, maybe just assume that the two people are platonic.

Also...not sure why it bothers me so much. My friend and I laughed about it, but...I'm still kinda offended. The waitress also touched me twice...once on my arm and once on my back as she was walking by. I think the one on the back was her way of saying, "I'm going to run your card, I didn't forget about you," which is cool...but dude, just tell me. Not into random waitresses who think I am a lesbian touching me.

Music: Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina

You Have Something on your Forehead

The radio station that I'm listening to right now is asking listeners to call in and share what they are giving up for Lent. This reminded me of a story...

A few years ago, when I as working at the hospital, a client came up to the counter. I was helping someone else, but acknowledged her and saw that she had something on her forehead. The whole time I was finishing up with this other client, I toyed with whether or not I should say something. I usually try to avoid awkwardness, but...in the event of it being so noticeable, I decided to say something. So, when I was done w/the one client and began helping her, I told her "You have something on your forehead." She said, "yeah, it's Ash Wednesday." I can't remember what I said, I'm sure it was something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry!"

But yeah, I'm not Catholic, so why would I know, but I suppose it's common knowledge that this happens on Lent? I really didn't/don't know...and I really felt foolish. At the same time, I would expect nothing less to happen to me.

Dream Definitions

I feel like I should say something on here...admittedly my brain has been consumed with a lot of crap, most of which I'm not willing to share on here, so I've been a little at a loss of what to say. So, instead, let's talk about some wacky happenings in my dreams last night...

Last night I had teeth falling out, I was pulling my hair out and I had a headless rat for a pet. According to The Curious Dreamer, teeth falling out "can indicate a feeling or a fear that something has caused you to lose a healthy balance within your physical body or within your mental state or life." Pulling out my hair "could represent frustration or rejection of something about yourself or your situation." And, trying to define what the hell a headless pet means was a little more difficult, but this is what I could find: "A dream about your pet being in trouble or sick can mean you feel you're overlooking a responsibility for taking care of yourself or your life."

I really want to put a check mark by each of these items. While I know this is only one source of information, I find it interesting that each of these definitions pretty much sums up how I am feeling in my life right now. I know dream analyzing is nothing but interpretation, but I do believe that dreams are our brains way of trying to make sense of our emotions and everything that happens to us in our daily lives. I feel like dreaming creates a clean slate everyday that way our brains can absorb what is to come.

Just found it interesting...and I often dream about the teeth and hair - not so much the headless pets.

Music: The Raconteurs - Pull This Blanket Off